I'm reading this letter to Microsoft employees, I wonder if you can decipher its meaning. Apparently it is from a robot called Stephen.
We are the team creating the hardware that showcases the finest of Microsoft’s digital work and digital life experiences, and we will be the confluence of the best of Microsoft’s applications, operating systems and cloud services.Save me from a digital life experience thank you very much, I am quite content having my brain in it's current biological infrastructure.
To win in the higher price segments, we will focus on delivering great breakthrough products in alignment with major milestones ahead from both the Windows team and the Applications and Services Group. We will ensure that the very best experiences and scenarios from across the company will be showcased on our products. We plan to take advantage of innovation from the Windows team, like Universal Windows Apps, to continue to enrich the Windows application ecosystem.Ecosystem? The robots are now breeding? Oh dear lord!
We will determine each market approach based on local market dynamics, our ability to profitably deliver local variants, current Lumia momentum and the strategic importance of the market to Microsoft.Could someone please contact technical support and log a "bug report". I think wasps have nested in the hardware ecosystem.
We plan to right-size our manufacturing operations to align to the new strategy and take advantage of integration opportunities.Ah finally getting there I see sparky, right size, and we all know what the right size is now don't we, the robot is currently wearing a size 12 and wants to get into a size 10 for summer.
We plan that this would result in an estimated reduction of 12,500 factory direct and professional employees over the next year. These decisions are difficult for the team, and we plan to support departing team members with severance benefits.Bingo, finally got there, you can stop, oh noes, file error....unknown error..... restarting program.....
More broadly across the Devices team, we will continue our efforts to bring iconic tablets to market in ways that complement our OEM partners, power the next generation of meetings & collaboration devices and thoughtfully expand Windows with new interaction models. With a set of changes already implemented earlier this year in these teams, this means there will be limited change for the Surface, Xbox hardware, PPI/meetings or next generation teams.System overload......shutting down.....rebooting in safe mode.....
Collectively, the clarity, focus and alignment across the company, and the opportunity to deliver the results of that work into the hands of people, will allow us to increase our success in the future.Bolding: Ahaha, gotcha.
Beep, beep, 404 not found error.......please contact system support.
Personally I blame programming by committee.