Today I had lunch with my little girl. I had never met or even spoke with her before today. I will call her Emily to protect her true name and any embarrassment she might face. It was a amazing afternoon. As you can imagine, it's a long story, some of the details you don't need or even want to know.
Why I am sharing this on a blog meant to elect Democratic Party members ? I'm sharing this because today I met my daughter. A child that deserves to live in the same type of country I grew up in. A beautiful young lady I never want to see in uniform, facing a gun or IED. I know I can't do justice to how much today meant to me. Emily is not my 1st child, I have 2 other girls. One is 36 and the other is 18, and like Emily I was separated from them early in their lives. So many opportunities lost, regrets, and tears. Maybe this time I still have some time. (I also have 3 Stepchildren, but they are grown.)
About 2&1/2 yrs ago Emilys Mom sent me a Xmas card with a picture of Emily in it. I had not heard from her since she became pregnant and left town. Actually I didn't even know about either, until she was gone. There was no fight, no breakup, no goodbyes. I heard thru the friend of a friend that she was with child and had gone back to her hometown to have the baby. During one of those chats you have when you are getting to know someone she had mentioned she wanted a child someday. I had also told her during that same chat that I didn't think I could go through losing another child to the whims of another. I know I told her there was no way I could manage one more support payment after what I had and still had to pay out.
Seems she took me at my word. Once about ten yrs ago I had left a message on her home phone back East after spending some time tracking her. In that message I said, I was not looking to intrude on their life, but that I was available if she had questions. Questions about family health historys, and that sort of thing, and that one day maybe she could at least send me a picture. Sentimental, male ego, lonely, who knows why I went thru those efforts, but I'm glad I did.
Did I tell you I make beautiful little girls ? I do. My oldest was once one of " The Miller Girls ", dropdead gorgeous. Emily is well on her way to topping that. Sound like a proud Dad, I am.
So anyway, a few months ago I started getting emails from her Mom, just chitchat. Finally she asked if I would like to meet Emily. Fear struck deep. What would I say, what would she say? Would she hate me, like me, even want to meet me? I trembled, both with fear and excitement. Since they lived back East in snow country, and neither of us have money for vacations, part of me figured I was safe. Pictures started coming flowing into my emailbox. This petite brunette with my eyes and chin and eyebrows, and a smile that melted me. I ended up begging for more pictures.
Some of you may remember my diary about my life and trials. If you do , you may know how overwhelmed I am on most days. If you didn't read that diary it's enough to know I am disabled and the fulltime caregiver to my terminal significant other. This all brought some sunlight into my life like nothing else could of.
Today I had lunch with my little girl. I was 1/2 hour early, they were 1/2hr late and I was going nuts. We met in a little town called Los Olivos, in the mountains of Southern Calif, above Santa Barbara. The restaurant was one of those that was in the movie Sideways. I drank coffee and vibrated waiting for them to show. Finally I see them walking thru the door and standup to wait for them to come towards me. Damn was I full of emotions. Mom waved, and they came up to the table, and I so wanted to hug Emily, but didn't know how. It didn't matter. Emily walked up and buried her head in my shoulder as my arms wrapped around her. All I could say was hiyas. Big speech huh ? I knew I was about to cry so I moved to hug her Mom, and sat them down before the dam broke. I swore I wouldn't cry, after all this little girl didn't know me, what would she think ? Tough guy huh ?
Today I had lunch with my daughter. She was kinda shy, just like you would expect, but not too shy. Her Mom gushed about her, and we made small talk as I tried not to stare. She was trying real hard not to stare to so I winked and smiled, and told her I couldn't stop looking at her. She blushed ! I reached into my pocket and pulled out the gold necklace with her birthstone as a pendant that I spent all day yesterday shopping for.
The smile that crossed her face made it all worth it. She rushed her Mom to put it on her and fingered it all of lunch. Today I made my lil girl smile.
I won't tell you the rest today, but it was very very special, and I have pictures to prove it. After we took the pics.and were about to walk away from each other, Emily looked up at me and asked me if someday I would come watch her play softball. Ok, so I didn't make it all day without crying. I lost it, and then she lost it, and then her Mom lost it. We ended up hugging again and saying our goodbyes. One of the hardest goodbyes in my life.
Today, I met my little girl.Today, I made her smile. Today, I cried with my little girl. Today I Fucking renewed my vows to make sure the Republicans and Bush have seen the last of any form of power in our Government. I refuse to let them screw this gift up. No matter what it takes, I'm there.