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MASSACHUSETTS - Disgruntled Democrats - unhappy with candidate Martha Coakley - could throw President Barack Obama's agenda for a loop as a large group of liberal voters have come forward to say that they will write-in Satan as their vote in tomorrow'sspecial election to fill the Senate seat of the late Ted Kennedy.


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"Yeah, that's right, we'd rather have the Prince of Darkness lead the entire nation into a time of Apocalyptic Hell than vote for a candidate that we don't particularly care for," said one Mass. voter. "That’ll show ‘em"

With Coakley running neck-and-neck with Republican Scott Brown, the election has gotten the attention of politicos across the nation. While Brown has unwavering support from Republicans, Democrats have been loathe to rubber-stamp Coakley as the state's second Senator.

Yesterday, despite a visit from Obama to help her chances, a group of Democrats called "Liberals for Lucifer" stepped forward to say that they would withhold their vote from Coakley, and instead vote for the Prince of Darkness.

"Coakley is a corporate shill and is by no means a progressive," said Tim Johnson, the leader of the group. "If we can't have the candidate we want, then we're more than willing to plunge the Earth into the Apocalypse. Vote Satan."

For his part, Satan seemed pleased at this turn of events.

"GRAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!" said Satan, who then swallowed a goat and punched a poor person in the head.

A spokesman for Satan translated.

"Satan is thrilled with this opportunity and is ready to represent the people of Massachusetts," said the spokesman.

"BRAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!" said Satan, who then urinated fire on an American flag.

"Uh, he says he believes in a strong social saftey net," said the spokesman.

While most polling experts say that Satan has no chance of winning, most believe that the write-in votes headed his way could likely throw the election Brown's way.

"The Democratic Party has not fixed everything in the nation this last year and Democratic voters are unenthused," said Nate Silver. "If Coakley can't come back, the people of Massachusetts will be represented by either Satan or Scott Brown. Which, of course, is six of one, half-dozen the other."

Reached for comment, Brown said that the complexities of the election have made Satan a viable candidate, but that he believed his faith in American values would ultimately lead him to victory.



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Originally posted to WilliamKWolfrum on Mon Jan 18, 2010 at 05:03 AM PST.

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