Matter met anti-matter when The Learning Channel gave a reality show to the queen of the unreality-based community, Sarah Palin. On the upside, perhaps she'll make enough money annoying bears and trying to rock-climb that she'll stay out of government for the rest of her life.
This calls for drastic action. We need to find Unreality Shows for the rest of the Republican politicians. Here are a few suggestions:
BIG BROTHER: Dick Cheney eavesdrops on phone calls and reads email from political opponents, peace activists, and random citizens.
TRADING SPACIOUS: A recently-foreclosed family moves into one of the McCain family's 7 mansions, while John and Cindy stay in a shelter.
TRADING SPOUSES: Newt Gingrich swaps wives with a different politician every week. Premiere episode: John Ensign. (Larry Craig has declined to participate.)
TRADING SPECIES: Christine O'Donnell has a fully functioning mouse brain implanted in the giant empty space in her skull.
-17- -18- -19- INDICTMENTS AND COUNTING: On Court TV, starring Tom DeLay.
THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER: Jack Abramoff finds the perfect lobby for each K-Street pal.
REAGAN'S GHOST HUNTERS: Wingnuts go to desolate places (like the Capitol) and try to pick up Reagan's voice on a fancy tape recorder.
PUMPKIN CHUMPIN: John Boehner gets blasted out of a cannon and tries to hit a pile of earmarks and knock it over. Strangely, he always misses.
LITTLE PEOPLE, BIG CORPORATIONS: Every episode ends with Meg Whitman bellowing, "You're fired!"
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AROUND THE ISSUES: Mitt Romney turns the 2-step into a 4-step.
DEAL? NO DEAL!: Olympia Snowe promises to think about not joining the latest Republican fillibuster, right before she joins the latest Republican fillibuster.
EXTREMIST MAKEOVER: Mike Huckabee tries to make his old fire-and-brimstone sermons look prettier.
THE BIGGEST LOSER: Tom Tancredo expels pounds and pounds and pounds of stupid rhetoric while running for whatever.
FORGET THE LYRICS: Alberto Gonzalez tells Wayne Brady why he can't remember the words to John Ashcroft's song.
SISTER EX-WIVES: Former spouses of Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani, and John McCain give us the real story.
THROWUP: Rush Limbaugh shows up unexpectedly and challenges someone to a hot-air-spewing contest.
MYTHBUSTERS: Adam & Jamie investigate myths (like the idea that "fiscal conservative" means anything other than "spends like a teenager with Mom & Dad's credit card.") Then they blow up obsolete military vehicles instead of buying more from Halliburton. (Wait, I might actually want to watch that one - probably because my wife Packrat suggested it.)
I'M A REPUBLICAN, GET ME OUTTA HERE: Starring Orly Taitz, Carrie Prejean, Not-Joe the Not-Plumber, Sharron Angle, and other D-list wingnuts. They're forced to stay in a room with Sarah Palin while she reads a speech off her palm. Last one to run out screaming gets an additional 15 minutes of fame. (If Sarah quits first, they all lose.)
Please give your own suggestions for other offerings on 500 wingnut channels of nothing on.