OK

I wasn't really sure what to call this diary.

It's a bit of a rant about all the things I'm avoiding as I watch my life unravel. Or as I help it unravel, or fight the unraveling, depending on the hour and the day.

I just keep going over and over in my mind all the things that I am not doing in the midst of my emotional and financial collapse. Doing any or all of these things would make me feel much less stressed.

But so far I seem more invested in avoiding them. Or I need to ask for help in getting them done.

Things I need help to do:

1. Make an appointment with the company who repo'd my car to go get my personal stuff back. Show up for the appointment, in Gardena, CA.

2. Fill out the form telling the CA DMV that I'm not driving my car so therefore I don't need to register it. (And figure out a way to pay even the non-driving fee.)

3. Return the shoes I bought a longgg time ago to the awesome Zappos, who agreed to refund my credit card.

4. Call the storage place where I am months overdue and tell them I will be paying as soon as I get my legal settlement and see if they'll agree not to sell my stuff, which includes a big CD collection, pictures from my childhood, and other stuff I would really like to keep.

5. Get a toaster so I can eat more regularly in my little kitchen-less studio.

6. Call T-Mobile and get on a wayyy cheaper plan, or get out of my contract.

7. Find a buyer for my mobile DJ setup, which is pretty awesome for a basic rig. Two turntables, adjustable-height sturdy table, two small professional monitors that can fill any house-party, Serrato DJ software + laptop stand.

And somehow the larger item of paying rent & food when I'm out of savings & have no income. Which may be an opportunity to also get into community instead of living alone. If I found supportive friends to live with, probably my mental health would actually start to improve to where I could work again and had energy to deal with these many other things.

Ugh. =/

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