OK

I love Gilbert and Sullivan. W.S. Gilbert wrote the words,and Arthur Sullivan the scores for these hilarious and tuneful comic operettas, which lampooned pomposity, affectation and bureaucratic stodge in Victorian England, and brought young lovers from crazily disparate worlds together, always stopping short of anything that would provoke a "We are not amused" from Her Majesty the Queen-Empress.

"When I Was a Lad" sung by Mitt Romney (from the song of the same title in H.M.S. Pinafore)

               Mitt:
               When I was a lad at Crambrute School
               I ran with a clique and I was very cool,
               Of hazing and bullying I did my share,
               And I took a pair of scissors to a boy's long hair!

               Chorus:
               He took a pair of scissors to a boy's long hair!

               Mitt:
               I gave him a haircut so careless-lee
               That now I'm entitled to the President-cee!

               Chorus:
               He gave him a haircut so careless-lee
               That now he's entitled to the Presidencee!

               Mitt:
               I took vacations as a family man
               With my dog riding up atop my family van!
               I never noticed when he cried "Woof! Woof!"
               I hosed him down and put him back upon the roof!

               Chorus:
               He hosed him down and put him back upon the roof!

               Mitt:
               I hosed my doggie so careful-lee
               That now I'm entitled to the President-cee!

               Chorus:
               He hosed his doggie so careful-lee
               That now he's entitled to the President-cee!

               Mitt:
               In the Nineteen-Eighties I swam with sharks,
               When S-and-Ls for us were easy marks!
               At downsizing tactics I became astute,
               And I never saw a pension plan I couldn't loot!

               Chorus:
               No, he never saw a pension plan he couldn't loot!

               Mitt:
               I looted those pensions so careful-lee,
               That now I'm entitled to the President-cee!

               Chorus:
               He looted those pensions so careful-lee,
               That now he's entitled to the President-cee!

               Mitt:
               As Bain's CEO I was hell-bent
               On job outsourcing to the Orient!
               I ran everything while totally retired
               And if you disagree you're retroactively fired!

               Chorus:
               And if we disagree we're retroactively fired!

               Mitt:
               I covered my ass so retroactive-lee,
               That now I'm entitled to the President-cee!

               Chorus:
               He covered his ass so retroactive-lee,
               That now he's entitled to the President-cee!

               Mitt:
               In Massachusetts I was pro-choice
               And my healthcare plan made Hilla-ree rejoice!
               But now, all that's an inconvenien-cee,
               For I've changed my positions retroactive-lee!

               Chorus:
               Yes, he's changed his positions retroactive-lee!

               Mitt:
               I change positions so careless-lee
               That now I'm entitled to the President-cee!

               Chorus:
               He changes positions so careless-lee!
               That now he's entitled to the President-cee!

               Mitt:
               On the campaign trail I've been assailed
               For flipflopping with each breath that I exhaled
               But what you people don't grasp, you fools,
               Is billionaires don't have to play by ANY rules!

               Chorus:
               No, billionaires don't have to play by ANY rules!

               Mitt:
               I'll spend a billion just to guarantee
               That I will end up with the President-cee!

               Chorus:
               He'll spend a billion just to guarantee
               That he will end up with the President-cee!

                                           ~x~

More G. & S. Based on "Poor Wandering One," from The Pirates of Penzance.

               "Poor Pandering One" - For Mitt Romney

                                 Poor pandering one!
                                 Tho' thou art truly frayed,
                                 Fake heart with grace!
                                 Your past erase!
                                 Poor pandering one...

                                 Poor pandering one!
                                 Though you flipflop all the time
                                 And though you lack
                                 Bone in your back,
                                 You've still got plenty of SLIME!

                                 Fake heart, fake that you're fine!
                                 Fake any heart but mine!
                                 Fake that you're not a swine,
                                 And fake that you've got a spine!

                                 Fake heart, fake out your base!
                                 Fake till blue in the face,
                                 Fake that you're not from space
                                 Fake and win second place!

                                 Poor pandering one!
                                 Tho' thou art truly lame,
                                 Fake just the same,
                                 You have no shame!
                                 Poor pandering one!

                                                  ~x~

                                   

Oh, you were expecting limericks! Well, all right. The Aurora tragedy is no topic for light verse, but here are some other events of the past week. I'm no cassandracarolina, but I Do My Part. Here goes:

Michelle Bachman's taking a beating
About her despicable bleating
That Hilary's aide
Should make us afraid
From her, her own party's retreating!

      Even for wacks like John Boehner,
      Her nuttiness couldn't be plainer!
      Rejecting Michelle's
      Fake terrorist cells
      Made Boehner come off somewhat saner.

            I'm thinking of writing a song
            On things Bachmann says that are wrong,
            But it would necessitate
            Too much Kaopectate,
            And be eight zillion pages too long.

                  George Zimmerman talked to Sean Hannity,
                  And among other gems of inanity,
                  Said, "God made me kill,
                  For it was His will."
                  Sounds like he'll be pleading insanity.

                        At Penn State, they carted away
                        The statue of Joe yesterday
                        Let 'em melt down Paterno
                        In a blazing inferno
                        And sell the bronze off on Ebay.

                              Paterno's dead-enders are crying
                              "Justice for Penn State's great scion!"
                              Their Joe's still enshrined
                              They don't think him unkind
                              For throwing those lambs to a lion.

                                    George Allen is hot on the track
                                    To get his old Senate seat back
                                    'Twas lost in VA,
                                    Perhaps on that day
                                    "Macaca Man" went on attack!

                                          So welcome to America, schmuck!
                                          We certainly wish you no luck.
                                          Give aid to Tim Kaine
                                          Or "Macaca" will gain,
                                          And that, friends, would totally suck.

More Gilbert and Sullivan parody. From Pinafore, again: "He is an Englishman"

"He is American"

Barack Obama:
I am but humble, Hawaiian-born,
My race and nationality
The butt of sour right-winger scorn,
And Birthers' irrationality!
I've dared to raise my unwhite eyes
Above the dust to which you'd mold me,
In manhood's glorious pride to rise,
I am an American, behold me!

Chorus:
He is American!

Judge:
He is American!
For I myself have said it,
And it's greatly to my credit,
That he is American!

Chorus:
That he is American!

Sherrif Arpaio, Donald Trump and Orly Taitz:
Oh no, he is a Keen-i-yan,
A Mooslim Indo-nees-i-an
Or perhaps Ha-wa-ii-an!

Birther chorus:
Or perhaps Ha-wa-ii-an!

Judge:
No, in spite of all your fatwas,
That he's really Frank Sumatra,
He remains Amer-i-can!
He remains A-a-me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-er-i-can!

Chorus:
No, in spite of all your fatwas,
That he's really Frank Sumatra,
He remains American!
He remains A-a-me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-er-i-can!

Originally posted to revbludge on Mon Jul 23, 2012 at 05:05 PM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA, Protest Music, Progressive Hippie, Indigo Kalliope, and Community Spotlight.

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