OK

At an unscheduled campaign stop this afternoon, Governor Mitt Romney spoke to the assembled group and press corps to share what he called “An important speech to take your mind off some of the really stupid things I’ve said this week.” Romney went on to describe the sudden passing of the family’s beloved horse, Rafalca.

Romney, wearing an odd smirk as he spoke, remembered Rafalca as “the horse that didn’t win,” an apparent reference to the horse’s entry into the 2012 Summer Olympic Games. “Life is all about winning” Romney said to the largely Republican crowd. “Winners win, losers take”, he continued. “In the end, Rafalca was a taker; water, feed, and hay in; nothing but a steaming pile of equine feces in return”. Certainly, Ann says it makes her feel better when she rides but feeling better does not pay the bills. Winning pays bills. If you’re not paying your bills, you are not winning. That makes you a loser! A taker!, just another welfare cheat!

The crowd, responding to a passion seldom displayed by the candidate, waved jodhpurs wildly about and tossed equestrian helmets into the air, chanting USA! USA!

Holding up his hands to silence the rowdy crowd, Romney said Ralfaca “lived large on the Romney family’s kindness and generosity, and more importantly my friends, on the generosity of the American taxpayer. It is after all, generous business deductions and tax avoidance schemes that make this journey we call my life possible.” Romney went on to describe the difficulty he and Ann encountered as they lifted the dead horse onto the roof of Ann’s number two Cadillac. “I tell you my friends, horses are much easier to move when they’re alive,” Romney joked, drawing laughs from many in the audience. “Glad we loaded up on pasta and tuna first.”

In closing, the governor asked the charged crowd for a moment of silence, in honor of all those horses “that have gone before Rafalca, giving so much to so few and oh yeah, the troops, too.”

Following the governor’s emotional speech, staff passed out commemorative bottles of Titebond ® Liquid hide glue. Unwilling to discuss how the Olympic contender died one agitated staffer screamed "Kiss my ass. This is a holy site!" referring apparently, to the porn site he'd been surfing during Romney's speech.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.