In a stunning development announced by old, white, rich spokesmen in Geneva Switzerland and the Cayman Islands, Bain Capital announced that it had Trade Marked the word "eviscerate". Anyone using the word from this point forward would be charged $2.00 for every time it is used. The word was officially Trade Marked by one of Bain's Chinese subsidiaries that specializes in offshored American jobs, technology, and words.
When asked why they would want to Trade Mark "eviscerate", a spokesman replied:
Our analysts have determined there has been an explosive increase in the use of the word "eviscerate" since the beginning of this political campaign. We have run the numbers and see huge profit potential by charging a small fee.
The Romney campaign immediately released a statement about the controversy;
We have not used the word "eviscerate" since 1999 when Mr. Romney went to Salt Lake City to run the winter Olympics. Mr. Romney has said he will release last year's speeches and this years when they are complete, but will not release any more.In a separate statement from Ann Romney, she proclaimed that lots of people really really like Mitt and you would too if you knew him like the maids, gardeners, and the great people who operate the car elevators. She added:
"We have been very transparent to what's legally required of us," "There's going to be no more speeches released."
A class action lawsuit has been announced to prevent Bain Capital from going forward with the Trade Marking of "eviscerate". Some comments were given by plaintiffs in the suit:
This is absolutely preposterous. We've been eviscerating our clients bank accounts since the beginning of the firm, and it could cause a world wide financial crises if we can't discuss it with a few of our select shareholders.Former President George Bush:
I am the decider! I've eviceratated the nuculus of the English language since I was a small boy growing up Crawford and Kennebunkport.Clint Eastwood:
I'm going to eviscerate this damn chair if it doesn't stop arguing with me!Fox News reported:
The Socialist Obama's failed foreign policies and Kenyan origins has eviscerated the constitution and Americas values, and a new Rasmussen poll has Romney at 110% and Obama at -23%.A Bain spokesman said that after the elections, Bain would dismantle the word "eviscerate" and junk "evisce" and sell of "rate" to the highest bidder. They would also lay off any workers associated with the word, and raid any pension plans they could get their little paws on.
Note: the author has refused to pay the $18 invoiced by Bain Capital for writing this diary.