U.S. Vice-President Joe Biden has called Republican VP nominee Paul Ryan's mother to apologize for the vicious ass-kicking he gave her son in Thursday night's debate.
The fiery match between the two men featured 69-year old Biden schooling 42-year old Ryan on Afghanistan, Medicare, taxes, and the economy.
The smackdown was so complete that a snap poll conducted by TDC News showed that 78% of undecided voters felt "embarrassed" for Ryan and 69% thought future debates should include a "mercy rule".
Biden decided to made the conciliatory call while on an Amtrack train back to Washington. A reporter travelling with the Vice-President recorded the conversation, and released the tape exclusively to The Daily Currant:
"Hi Betty it's Joe. I just called to apologize for what I did to your son tonight."
"You and I both know I had to kick his ass. It's my job. But I didn't have to embarrass him like a little bitch in front of 50 million people. I got a little carried away. I'm sorry."
"I think little Paulie has a lot potential. Have him call me in a few years when he's ready to debate like a man."
"Oh and I uh...I hope this doesn't affect our relationship. We're still on for Boca next March right?...Fantastic!"
This article is republished from The Daily Currant, a new source for news satire.