I don't imagine that you are going to be around here for a while, since you don't want to have to suffer all of the ungracious gloating that we will be doing about winning and all of the merciless mocking we will be doing about you losing, but just in case you stop by for some bizarre masochistic need to punish yourself for losing or something, I just want to say... thank you for being SUCH poor losers tonight, because it REALLY helps alleviate any of the fleeting feelings of guilt for gloating about winning and mocking you for losing.
Hey, remember that moment when Rove wouldn't believe you guys lost and we won? Man. That one is going in ALL the books about this election.
Remember when Obama won PA and you felt that sinking feeling that maybe you weren't going to get away with bluffing your way into the white house, and meanwhile we were all smiling cause we were just waiting for that moment to happen cause we knew it was coming?
Oh, you should have SEEN your faces when for a brief few minutes you thought Scott Brown might still win after it was called and then retracted for Elizabeth Warren... and then she won after all. Awwwww... man... that really was just cruel.
So many memories from tonight. Gay marriage and legalizing pot and lesbians in the Senate and Rape Republicans losing and the return of that crazy liberal fire brand in Florida (you guys HATE him). Too many memories to keep track of tonight.
Oh, and Obama's speech. Boy, we LOVED it and I almost feel bad for how much you were looking forward to listening to a speech by Mitt Romney. I mean, how the hell did you get yourselves in THAT situation? Ouch.
Anyway, I am just writing this while I wait for Florida to be called for Obama tonight and... oh, haha... remember that moment tonight when Florida was too close to call and you started to feel that pinch of terror, but then Ohio still wasn't called and you were holding on for dear life to the hope that it would miraculously flip your way... EVEN though 3 of the southeast states were too close to call and in your heart you knew you were fucked?
Anyway. I need sleep, so, I gotta go, but before I go I just want to say thank you. Thank You for making tonight's big win for our team that much sweeter.
Oh, and tell Karl that he can always enter into the witness protection program if his big money people try to kill him for blowing a billion dollars of their money for nothing.