Another of those seminal moments in American folklore that deserves to be captured in verse.

"The outlook wasn't brilliant for the GOP that night...."

Karl at the Desk

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the GOP that night:
538 and PPP had predicted it – a thumpin' for the right.
And then Toledo cast its votes, and Cleveland did as well,
The crew at Fox could sense the “Mo”, but only time would tell.

Some counties in the east went red, The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought if Karl, only Karl, his balding pate ashine -
Could have a look, consult his book, he'd call the race by nine.

But then New Hampshire went, and Pennsylvania too,
then Michigan and Illinois, the map was turning blue.
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
The Decision Desk had called Ohio, but Karl said, ”I'm going to challenge that!”

At First there were some puzzled looks, embarrassment, some myrth,
Chris Wallace stumbled, struggled mightily, to validate his worth.
“Here is what we're going to do, “ he said as he, gripped tightly at his tie,
“We'll talk to them, and get their thoughts, and ask the reasons why...”

And now Megyn Kelly stood, she's risen from her chair,
and now she's stepping down, so daintily, assisted by Brett Baier.
And now she gamely strides, with camera's glare, tipping down the hall,
to find the source, the dreaded turncoat, who dared to make the call.

While somewhere in the country, more votes were being cast,
Minnesota had endorsed the prez, then Iowa, and hopes were fading fast.
The lines were long in Florida, and results weren't coming in,
But then Virginia let its voice be heard, and hopes were wearing thin.

Michael Barone had made the call, and said “We have to face the truth -
the working class won't vote for us, and now we've lost the youth.”
“LGBT and Asians, Hispanics east and west, liberal elites, have exercised their rights,
People of color everywhere are gone, That leaves us in the GOP with only older whites!”

The sneer is gone from Karl's lip, his teeth are clenched in spite;
At a loss for words? Quite possibly. He seems a bit....contrite?
And now Mitt Romney takes the stage, and says “Farewell...Good Night.”
And now the air is shattered by a blow, to the ambitions of the right.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy at Fox News - Crossroads has struck out.

Originally posted to PhishRapper on Sat Nov 10, 2012 at 06:31 AM PST.

Also republished by Indigo Kalliope, National Parody Administration, and Rebel Songwriters.

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