You've probably all heard about how a bunch of treasonous Confederate-wannabees are signing secession petitions on the White House "We the people" petition site.

I'm pleased to report that trolls have now been striking back with a vengeance.

First, one you should all sign.

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.

Also sign the one I just created about Biden and The Onion


Peacefully grant the University of Illinois Chief Illiniwek back as the school mascot

Chief Illiniwek was a symbol of the University of Illinois, and gave recognition to the Native American tribes of Illinois. Getting rid of this mascot is erasing a heroic and symbolic figure of utmost importance to Illinois history.
Austin seceding from TExas
Peacefully grant the city of Austin Texas to withdraw from the state of Texas & remain part of the United States.

Austin Texas continues to suffer difficulties stemming from the lack of civil, religious, and political freedoms imposed upon the city by less liberally minded Texans. It is entirely feasible for Austin to operate as its own state, within the United States, in the event that Texas is successful in the current bid to secede. It is important for Austin to remain in the union as to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers.

We would also like to annex Dublin Texas, Lockhart Texas, & Shiner Texas.

Justice for Missouri Secession
Peacefully grant the remaining United States of America a Pizza Party furnished by Pizza Hut and Papa Johns (unless he keeps laying off his workers) should the State of Missouri succeed with one or both of their petitions to the White House to Secede from the Union.

As remaining loyal citizens of America, and to shove it in Missourians faces once they aren't a part of the US any longer, a Nationwide Pizza Party would reconcile differences, mend old wounds and bring together the nation.

Fark Party
have the President to attend a Fark.com party. If scheduling does not permit, at least have a beer with Drew Curtis

Too many serious petitions on this site asking the President to work his butt off. We believe that he should have a chance to have a good time.


Onion Joe Biden? Great VP or Greatest VP?

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