OK

Okay.  I was having a bad enough day already, with the bank having informed me yesterday about where to send the death certificates (because when you let Social Security know they should stop a direct transfer they tell everyone connected with it, including your bank). My branch doesn't know yet, or at least they're not saying anything at the teller window.

Then, I got a phone call. I can't imagine what it must be like for the people at the mortuary to have to make these phone calls, but yes, Jim was cremated today (41 years and 5 months to the day), and now I know. The death certificate was registered on the 17th, and they'll Fed Ex it and the copies I need to me when they get them. Another week.   A friend will pick me up on Friday morning and we'll go over and pick up the urn and probably have lunch and I'll probably drink but life will go on.  

My academic work? Forget it, it just isn't happening yet.  I've advised the publication that expects something on Friday, and we'll see if I get a response. I have all next week to do what's probably three hours of grading and submitting grades, and I"ll do that.  And the laundry (it's all the shirts now, 40 or so need to be washed and 13 are washed and need to be ironed and I don't like ironing as much as Jim did but I don't want to spend the money to buy back my shirts every time I wear them). Grading and the laundry now have the same precedence in my life. I think that's wrong, and I figure it will fix itself.

I'm eating, though.  I'm even cooking with an eye to subsequent meals. And I'm sleeping more normally, so that's why you're not seeing me in Cheers and Jeers much. No, I'm inflicting myself on the daily diaries that I think of as my families. New Day thinks of it as me checking in daily, and Top Comments has suggested I update the larger Kos universe more frequently. I'm trying NOT to bring this up in regular commentary. It's not really what I want to define me here, but for those of you who haven't been through the first month after someone you love dies, I figure it might be helpful in preparing for it.

Thank you so much for the support you've given me so far.  Thank you for the quilt, and the few (my fault) phone conversations, and for being a wonderful, loving community.

6:29 PM PT: All grieving diaries are different! This has really buoyed my spirits in many of the same ways some of my history diaries have (I think) buoyed some of yours. Thank you for your continuing generousness especially in your willingness to share your stories. I'll try to be a better recipient of your warmth.

Originally posted to Dave in Northridge on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 04:15 PM PST.

Also republished by The Grieving Room.

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