OK

My name is paul. i'm 26 and not very experienced for a 26 year old as they'd Say. Diagnosed Aspergers among other things..

My family has been staying. Between Portland and Texas. We just came from Raleigh.

When my father lost his job in Raleigh (he came down with MSSA MRSA's less evil cousin and got hospitlaized and between it and diabetes was in and out of the hospital for a YEAR) he spent much of his retirement to retire in oregon. We have been living here about a year. He Just got hired in Texas on a temporary position. 6 months which was later extended to 18 months. We stayed here while he went on just in case they did not hire on.

He has been there for several months. I Have been socially isolated. Like crazy because of the moves and my lack of desire to go out in public and meet people.

My mother finally came back after months of my hiding and writing on tumblr and just talking to friends.

last night after my mom and sister decided to watch a television show.I went to drink my nootropic drink and asked mom for the sugar by walking into her room when she was watching. my sister screamed at me, at 100 decibles. I was hurt. I just shattered nad cried and wondered why the hell I cared so much at all because I used to have ice in my veins about my family

After the shouting I could not even see straight ad tried to tell a a friend how I felt All she saw was a block of text. Maybe I should have asked. But she tried to send me a story and I tried to say I could not my face was too blurry from tears. She took me off her contacts. I tried to talk to her afterwards because It wasn't fair on here but all I could think was NOW AFter ALL This time the one time i'm really crashing..

Then today Dad was gonig to check into the hospital because he's stopped taking care of himself as a result of mom being here. He's neglected himself and I decided to tell him that if he doesn't take care of himself he's going to end up losing his job

See mom has been finding all kinds of stuff about her heart out while she's been in dallas and she's really sick. Somethings wrong with her heart and if she loses her insurance she's going to be in huge shit and I tried to tell him he'd hate himself even more if she lost coverage. Well he hurled fuck you at us and then threw his foot down and made mom come back and I unfortunately yelled at him, after all the stressors and he threatened to hurt himself so we had to call the police and now he's being admited and is going into for psych eval. This is not the first time my father has self-sabotaged when he's lost her or in the event of a stressor. He drunk himself into a stuppor once in florida and took a bunch of ambien and ended up in the hospital. He's threatened for a long time to use his insulin needles to end his own life sense he's diabetic.

Now she's flying back on Friday and I'm pretty sure he just stopped taking insulin or eating or feeding himself properly BECAUSE she came back. Which he let her do.

I'm horrified. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm a million things. I've been alone for so long. My own fault. MY self imposed prison but I want out now... and now we're leaving....

9:28 PM PT: I went to bed among other things. We we went to the zoo today with a local family friend.. The situation has stabilized somewhat. They dumped him in the mental ward. Mom is debating flying back or not. He's not in a good mental ward though. We're concerned. Texas is terrible at mental health-Perhaps that will be the subject of a further write up.  I don't want to be in a group home myself because I've done intensively therapy to know they'll just tell me to set goals and think about how to execute them-Well I know how. I'm beginning to enact all sorts of plans all over the place. First and foremost is locate my Credit card which has gone Missing. I've found a good way to make money but I need liquid cash to do it. I plan to work to get stuff packed sporadically and spend the rest trying to raise money.

9:28 PM PT: Also I'm trying to figure out who my facebook contacts are to DELETE my facebook to sanitize the outward insanity on it. Most people would not understand. They jump to conclusions...


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