From Wiki:

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups. Various models and definitions have been proposed of which the ability and trait EI models are the most widely accepted in the scientific literature. Ability EI is usually measured using maximum performance tests and has stronger relationships with traditional intelligence, whereas trait EI is usually measured using self-report questionnaires and has stronger relationships with personality.
I realize this will come as a shock to exactly no one, but here it is:  I've been to therapy before. I guess I tested quite high in this EI business.



I've been to therapy a lot. Ten years, total. I've been to therapy for the deep stuff and the everyday life shit but, mostly, I went to therapy to get a better handle on myself and my emotions, how I feel, what I think, what I want, and the proper ways to express those things to other people.

Because, believe it or fucking not, untherapized Shiz was way worse than the person you know from this website.



Given that we are back to the Rox/Sux diaries again (ugh), and probably will be in this stage for a good year or so, while the upcoming 113th Congress will not be getting a goddamned thing done in 2013, I bequeath unto you the helpful communication tips I've learned in therapy.

Because they are fucking useful, peeps. (I realize that I'm not a trained counselor, therapist, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, or what-have-you, but I also realize that most Kossacks are not any of these professions either, so maybe hearing it from a "layman" of sorts will be slightly easier and more helpful to follow.)

December 20, 2012
by Shiz
1.  This should go without saying, but it's normally not, especially around here. When presenting your emotional/opinionated findings to others, use I think/I feel/I believe statements. People can most certainly argue the validity of your claims but they cannot argue with your thoughts, emotions, or beliefs. If you get into an argument on Dkos with both barrels blazing, chances are you're going to be HRed by everyone and their mother. Don't do that. Bad manners and bad communication = "don't be a dick". Grow up.

My 12-year-old daughter gets this. Why can't the rest of us? I mean, seriously.

2.  Do not confuse policies for personalities. If someone is insulting how chained CPI is on the table, and that Barack Obama put said chained CPI there (which is 100% true), you should probably refrain from lying, justifying, namecalling, denial, condescension, and/or any number of bullshit tactics in order to rationalize Barack Obama putting The Third Rail of politics on the chopping block.

You're not going to get anywhere, with anyone (especially the people you so hope to convince, your natural Democratic allies), by evading the truth or explaining it away. The best to hope for here is to admit that President Obama has made a serious mistake, and to ask people to take action regarding this mistake.

3.  If you have a problem with a particular someone, it's best if you either ignore him/her, or at least not respond to him/her. It will do you no good, and the community no good, for you to bring up the chasm that so very, very many Kossacks already know exists. In fact, it's borderline stupid. Stop it. No one cares, except you and your ego.

4.  "The insufferable arrogance of human beings to think that Nature was made solely for their benefit, as if it was conceivable that the sun had been set afire merely to ripen men's apples and head their cabbages. -- Cyrano De Bergerac

Don't be a fucking snobby shithead. No one likes someone who thinks they're all that and a bag of chips and, even if you do and 1 gazillion people agree with you, they're not going to admit that they agree with you. Being a fucking snobby shithead sucks, but only for you. Don't do it, unless you want to be ostracized and mocked at every turn.

The sun does not rise and set out of your asshole. Deal with it.

5.  Comments you've made in the past will, in fact, come back to haunt you. The internet never dies anymore; everything is cached, saved, and otherwise remembered. That horrible, awful thing you said 4 years ago, that everyone still occasionally comments about?

Yeah, trust me on this:  they won't forget it. Ever. Acceptance of this is much, much easier than trying to fight it. Chalk it up to a learning experience, then let it go.

6.  The only person you can control is yourself. The only feelings you can control are your own. The only actions you can control are yours alone.

It sucks, but there it is.

You can talk until you're blue in the face, but what the hell does it matter if someone does not (or is not willing to) hear you?! It's better, and certainly easier, to understand when it's time to simply give up and walk away. That's not failure; that's acceptance of reality.

7.  Anytime you discharge your own emotions onto someone else, it would be wise for you to look at exactly what it is about that person that pisses you off so much. Because, 9 times out of 10, the reason you are so very angry with him or her is because they remind you of some character trait about yourself that you can't fucking stand!

This isn't always true for me, but it is much of the time. Seriously.

8.  There is not a goddamned thing wrong with you walking away from a conversation that makes you so enraged that you can't see straight. These days, I do that more often than not. I don't feel guilty about it at all. If the person I was arguing with wants to get ahold of me, they have other avenues for doing so that don't involve comments in a diary that I dislike to the point of anger.

9.  There is not a goddamned thing wrong with you saying to someone "I'm sorry". Truly, I cannot understand this American need to be right, over all else. I don't give a fuck about being right. Who the hell cares? Who the hell knows? I'm not the arbiter of all that is Good and Right and Correct and Pure, fer chrissakes. Neither is anyone else, as far as I know. So I have no problem with saying "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, or belittling you, or being condescending to you, or being an asshole", because that's what I was at the time. It's not necessarily an admittance of guilt, but it's an admittance of wrong-doing.

I'm not a fucking Christian, either, but I do believe in karma, and I do believe that it's my responsibility to make right what I have previously fucked up.

10.  Don't be a hypocritical schmuck. If you're advocating something that you disliked 3 months ago, tell us why and give us a detailed explanation. Most of all, though, don't accuse some other Kossack of doing something you yourself do, in spades.

And this conclude's Shiz's list of shit you should practice on this website. No worries if you don't; I'm not expecting changes galore.

But maybe it would help to read this?

Or  if you watched this?

Or if you attuned yourself to this?

Just sayin'.

Get a grip, people.

Originally posted to I don't think you're ready for this jelly. on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 11:41 PM PST.

Also republished by Courtesy Kos.

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