These are my emotions as I try to grasp this world's new normal...

I’ve cried every day since last Friday.  First the shock, then the horror, then the overwhelming sense of grief for the parents of the children, and for the families of the educators, all these emotions flooded my brain.  I wanted to hug my children.  I wanted my family home.  I wanted to feel like I could protect them from the world.  Then the images of angels, of heroes, of mourning families.  It was, and still is so sad, so overwhelmingly heartbreaking.  I’ve cried for those parents in the middle of the night because my worst nightmare is their new reality.

I’ve also been angry every day since last Friday.  Angry at the killer.  Angry at his mother.  Angry that we as a nation have allowed this to happen…again.  And I’m angry that some of my friends have posted images of weapons, pictures and sentiments expressing their love of guns and “don’t anyone dare take them away.”  I’m angry that guns have more value than human life.  I’m angry that as I cling to my children, others cling to their weapons.  I’m angry that common sense flies out the window every time gun sense is mentioned.  I’m angry that before 6 year olds in tiny caskets were even buried, people were heartless enough to utter the propaganda, “Guns don’t kill people…people kill people.”  I’m angry over typing those words.  I’m angry that even though 62% of the nation favors banning assault weapons, powerful lobbyists will rally their supporters.  I’m angry that some of those supporters are my family.  I’m angry some are my very best friends.

I’ve been hopeful every day since last Friday.  Hopeful someone will step up and make a difference.  Hopeful that we as a society, can heal our divisions, sit down at the same table and at least try to see each other’s point of view.  I’m hopeful that we decide it’s time to make a change.  I’m hopeful that we can reduce violent crime.  I’m hopeful that my children’s children and their children will not have to fear going to school or the mall or the movies.  I’m hopeful that we as a society can preserve the traditions of gun ownership and at the same time acknowledge that doing nothing is no longer acceptable.

I have made choices every day since last Friday.  I’ve chosen to remain silent, until now.  I’ve chosen to ignore hateful gun doctrine.  I’ve chosen to never forget 20 small children with dreams and hopes and energy and life who are here no longer.  I’ve chosen to never forget the educators who died trying to protect them.  I’ve chosen to hug my children a little tighter every chance I can.    I’ve chosen to have hope.  

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