OK

I swear to God, I had to check 3 times to make absolutely certain that this headline...and the entire story...was really from Politico and not The Onion:

GOP looks for ways to stop the rape comments

Rep. Phil Gingrey’s attempts to explain Todd Akin’s rape remarks are leaving many Republicans beyond frustrated that a few in their party can’t help but insert rape into the already contentious abortion debate.

“This is actually pretty simple. If you’re about to talk about rape as anything other than a brutal and horrible crime, stop,” said Republican strategist Kevin Madden, who was a senior adviser in Mitt Romney’s campaign.

It goes on to repeat the by-now-tiresomely-common backstory about GOP Rep. Phil Gingrey of Georgia saying something idiotic and offensive about rape while trying to "explain" why another Republican saying something idiotic and offensive about rape was "partially right" in his idiotic and offensive statement. About, you know...rape.

Then, however, comes this self-parody jaw-dropper:

And it may have added new urgency to a training program that’s already being launched by an anti-abortion group — the Susan B. Anthony list — to keep candidates and lawmakers from continually making the same kinds of comments that may have helped ruin Republicans’ chances of winning the Senate.
Yes, that's correct. The Republican Party has now enlisted their own, special TRAINING PROGRAM to keep their idiotic, offensive members from saying idiotic, offensive things about one of the few issues that no one above the age of 10 should have trouble avoiding saying something idiotic and offensive about.
The training would have to “educate politicians on subjects that are absolutely taboo, except to say, ‘I sympathize with the pain of anyone who goes through fill-in-the-blank,’” she said.

Madden’s advice is simply to stop talking.

Aside from the additional offensiveness of the "fill-in-the-blank" comment (you know, rape, clubbing baby seals, burning puppies...apparently he considers rape to be in the same realm as a Mad Libs entry), this was, amusingly, the EXACTLY the same advice given to Republicans by Stephen Colbert. Well, almost the same:

Have no fear; while I've decided to take a pass (for now) on whipping up a 5th Volume of the Republican Rape Advisory Chart, the Days Without a GOP Rape Mention website is already on top of it.
       

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