As you know, I am a proud son of South Carolina. We've got the best peaches, the best shrimp, and the most generous average humidity in America, 86%. Going outside in the summertime is like walking through a refreshing chowder. And folks, my love for the Palmetto State is why I was a natural choice to fill Jim DeMint's Senate seat when he stepped down in December.Video below the fold.
Now sadly, Governor Nikki Haley appointed Representative Tim Scott, who was the Congressman from my home town of Charleston, leaving that Congressional seat open. God only knows who they're going to find to fill it.VERONICA DE LA CRUZ (1/21/2013): Elizabeth Colbert Busch is running for Congress in South Carolina. She is not related to George W. Bush, but she is related to Stephen Colbert. That's his sister.Holy cow! My sister is running for Congress!!
(wild audience cheering turns to them chanting "Colbert! Colbert!")
You'd better be cheering for me.
Now Lulu — Lulu is what we in the family called her growing up — and I can still call her that because she still calls me by my childhood nickname, "Stephen Colbert".
Now right away, I want to dispel one of the vicious media rumors that is swirling out there.NEWSCAST (1/18/2013): Colbert Busch is Stephen Colbert's sister.Wrong! No free airtime, Lulu. As a broadcast journalist, I am obligated to maintain pure objectivity. It doesn't matter that my sister is intelligent, hard working, compassionate, and dedicated to the people of South Carolina. (wild audience cheering) I will not be mentioning any of that on my show.
VERONICA DE LA CRUZ (1/21/2013): She might be getting a little free TV time.
Besides, I'm not sure I can support her, because she is running as a Democrat. A) I take that as a personal affront, and 2) there are so many great choices on the Republican side. No less than 16 candidates have filed in the GOP primary. I mean, Republicans are all over this election like white on Republicans. I mean, there are some big, big names.
There are already some big names on the GOP ticket. I'm talking Ric "The Stick" Bryant. The electrifying Keith Blandford. Larry "Boom Boom" Grooms. Elizabeth "Killing Them Softly" Moffly. And Chip "This Is My Actual Name" Limehouse.
But at this point, I gotta say I am leaning toward actual candidate and former governor of the Appalachian Trail, Mark Sanford. You see, I'm a family values conservative, and Mark... he just seems so steady. (audience laughter)
So, just a little quick advice for any of you Republicans out there who might end up in a debate with my big sister. This is how I used to win a lot of arguments with her when I was a kid. Right after she makes a good point, repeat it back to her in a dumb voice, like this.
(in mocking voice) "Oooh, Social Security is a public trust to those who paid into it for their entire working lives. Stop copying me, Stephen, I'm telling Mom!"
Trust me, it works, OK? Then again, Lulu's kind of tough, she could win this one. And if you do, Lulu, I certainly hope you will sit down with me for a Better Know a District. (audience cheering) It will give you a chance to defend some shocking revelations I have found in your middle school diary. (looks at one of the pages) Oh my God!! We'll be right back.
Y'all know what to do.