Last Saturday, host Kevin Hart appeared on Weekend Update with Seth Meyers to do a
Really!?! bit about how Antonin Scalia referred to Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act as a "racial entitlement". And they didn't mince words. Here's the full transcript of the segment.
SETH MEYERS: During last week's arguments about the Voting Rights Act of 1965, designed to protect the voting rights of African-Americans, especially in the South, Justice Scalia referred to the Act as a "racial entitlement", which brings us to a segment we like to call, "Really!?! With Seth & Kevin". Thanks for coming out, you ready to do this?I'm thinking EVERY AMERICAN in the country needs to see this bit.
KEVIN HART: I'm ready, Seth, thanks for having me.
SETH MEYERS: All right, the argument against the Voting Rights Act is that it unfairly punishes the South for its racist past. Look, we're not saying there aren't racists in the North. We have some of America's best racists. But the South is still the Michael Jordan of racism.
KEVIN HART: Listen, South, you gotta understand something. You changed the game. I mean, you did things we've never seen before.
SETH MEYERS: And when you're Michael Jordan, you're going to draw the double team, and that's what the Voting Rights Act is — a backup defender for when racism beats the first guy off the dribble. I mean, really.
KEVIN HART: Really. And really, Supreme Court? Don't think that people can't call you racist because Clarence Thomas is your one black friend! Let me tell you something. Nothing is more racist than having one black friend. Zero black friends is somehow less racist than having one black friend. I mean, really?
SETH MEYERS: Really! And really, Supreme Court? Your claim is that the Voting Rights Act is outdated. I don't think you get to say what's outdated when you're a small council of old people in robes who decide our laws and can't be fired. That's like Guy Fieri telling people what's tacky. I mean, really.
KEVIN HART: You also claim it's unconstitutional? Really? Look, understand something. Black people don't like hearing something's unconstitutional. The Constitution used to say that I'm 3/5s of a person! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm short. But I'm not that short! I mean, really?
SETH MEYERS: Really! Also, you can't argue that racism isn't a problem anymore just because we have a black President. I mean, really, if it was up to some people in the South, we wouldn't have a black President, we would have separate Presdients.
KEVIN HART: OK? You know you would! You still got the flags from last time! I mean, really?
SETH MEYERS: Really.
KEVIN HART: Come on!
SETH MEYERS: And that's why the Voting Rights Act covers all of Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, South Carolina, and Virginia.
KEVIN HART: And it should! Because let me tell you something, Seth. I wouldn't go outside after dark in half of those states. To be honest with you, I wouldn't go outside if it was cloudy in Mississippi! Really, I wouldn't do it.
SETH MEYERS: Hey look, we don't mean to be hard on you, Mississippi, but you just ratified the amendment abolishing slavery two weeks ago. Not only did Mississippi wait 150 years after Lincoln, they waited six months after Lincoln, the movie! I mean, really!
KEVIN HART: Really. And hey, Mississippi, listen. I know you're not as racist as you were in 1965, but understand something. No one is as racist as you were in 1965.. Like, listen, that is statistically the best year in the history of racism! Saying that you're less racist now is like getting pulled over for a DUI, and telling the cop, "I've been drunker!"
SETH MEYERS: I mean, really!
KEVIN HART: Really!
SETH MEYERS: Really!
KEVIN HART: For real?!
Hm... for some reason, DailyKos won't let the embed from Hulu.com work here. Calling tech support!