OK

I know this may come as a shock to you, but Republicans are very sure of things. They are certain.

As a matter of fact, they're so sure and so certain that they apparently feel it's necessary for them to point it out, over and over again. No matter their point, they must point. Literally.

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Join me for a look at this certainty on display. So common are their displays of pointing out absolute certainties that it becomes necessary to distinguish between their techniques by labeling them.

I've chosen labels that I feel capture the essence of each technique so others may learn, but which also capture the essence of that particular, learned Republican. They are each so very unique that it's reflected in each technique.

I have borrowed  stylistically from the title approach for episodes of The Big Bang Theory. There are a few at the end that are begging for your contributions. Won't you help?

Newt Gingrich: "The Anger Displacement Mechanism."
The Anger Displacement Mechanism

Rand Paul: "The Fact-free Assertion Constancy."
The Fact-free Assertion Constancy


Rick Santorum: "The Holier-than-thou Certainty."

The Holier-Than-Thou Certainty

Chris Christie: "The Too Fat & Too Furious Turbulence."

The Too Fat & Too Furious Turbulence

Sarah Palin: "The Stab & Snarl Escalation."
The Stab & Snarl Escalation


Marco Rubio: "The Kindergarden Teacher Minimization."

The Kindergarden Teacher Minimization

Mitch McConnell: "The Turtle Transmogrification."
The Turtle Transmogrification

Rick Perry: "The Dim Bulb Incandescence."
The Dim Bulb Incandescence

Rick Santorum: "The Holier-than-thou Certainty Redux."
The Holier-Than-Thou Certainty Redux

Louie Gohmert: "The Stardom-Desire Delusion."
The Stardom-Desire Delusion


Bobby Jindal: "The Irrelevance Revelation."

The Irrelevance Revelation


Ted Cruz: "The Smug Smirk & Squint Permutation."

The Smug Smirk-and-Squint Permutation


John Boehner: "The Tickle-Me Speaker Punctuation."

The Tickle-Me Speaker Punctuation

George W. Bush: "The Stupidity."
The Stupidity

Mitt Romney: "The Amorphous & Vapid Peculiarity."
The Amorphous Diaphanous Peculiarity

Jan Brewer: "The Misapplication of Self-importance Vortex."
The Misapplication of Self-Importance Vortex

Rick Santorum: "The Holier-than-thou Certainty Redux Again."

The Holier-Than-Thou (Yawn) Redux III

Dick Cheney: "The Double Dose of Doom Disintegration."
The Double-Dose of Doom Disintegration

Now it's your turn. Let's hear your captions for Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Herman Cain and yes, again, Rick Santorum who apparently can't say anything that isn't a holier-than-thou pronouncement.

And, of course, it should go without saying, please feel free to add you own.

Scott Walker:
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Mike Huckabee:
ROCHESTER, NH - JANUARY 07:  Republican presidential hopeful and former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee speaks during a rally at the American Legion Post #7 January 7, 2008 in Rochester, New Hampshire. Fresh out of winning the Iowa caucus, Mike Huckabee campaigns through New Hampshire with one day to go before the primary.  (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mike Huckabee

Herman Cain:
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Rick Santorum:
The Holier-Than-Thou Certainty Redux II

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