If you are seeing this, I am still sick.
And ask any asthmatic you know, colds are fucking rat farts. Mostly because they toy with you. First, they get you in their sights. Once that's done, they drop the bomb made of germs on you. That takes 5 days.
After the five days of feeling just crappy, but not nearly as crappy as you're gonna, the germs realize that you've had a pneumonia shot, so they have to regroup and come at you from a different angle.
Another five days. But this five days is different: it's full of phlegm and hacking and feeling that ucchy sick feeling in your chest.
And then: they see an opening. The opening? Close contact with a small child who also has a cold.
Kid colds are different. They don't they're disgusting little disease machines. They don't care that ropy, green snot is creeping down to their lips. They don't care if they march up to you, demand to be picked up and then sneeze on you, thus spraying you with an entirely different set of germs, set on ramming speed.
Then: the germs come to terms. Germ terms. And those terms?
They're gonna take you down, oh, yeah...
... but they're gonna take their sweet ass time about it.
So, again, if you're reading this, sorry sorry.
But you can at least revel in the fact that I am a hacking, green-snot producing waste of space.
Actively looking for a healthy toddler to cuddle.