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I'm reaching a point in my life where I'm very confused about things. On the one hand I feel more and more like I identify as being transgender, and on the other hand I very much want to have a woman in my life. Now finding someone who'd be accepting of me is the rub. I've never actually dated, and being 39 that feels kind of embarrassing. I admit to not being terribly self confidant, but that's something I'm working on with my counselor.

More than confusion I feel frustration. I want to be out. I want to see if I would be happier living as a woman, or if I need to transition. I don't expect my life to be easy, all I want is to get some answers. I want to know if there's someone out there who could actually care for someone like me.

My counselor thinks that I should eventually look into section 8 housing and I'm very much on the fence about that. Its not that I don't want to have my own place, but with my mother being the payee on my SSI money I'm not sure how that would work out.

Ugh. I didn't want this to be another pity party entry but I guess I just needed to vent a bit about things again. I appreciate all the kind words from my last post. They lifted my spirits and I go back and read them to remind myself that there are people who care about one another out there.

That's all for now

May God bless you and may God be gracious to you

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Originally posted to bayushisan on Mon Apr 01, 2013 at 03:53 PM PDT.

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