Someday, someone will become the first human to ride a jetpack to Red Lobster.

If there isn't a band yet called The Duck Lips Selfies then America isn't trying hard enough.

It must suck that bears can't eat bear claws without everybody in the doughnut shop looking at them funny.

The Big Bad Wolf's Huff Puff approach, though unconventional, proved highly effective when evicting tenants.

Politics makes strange bedfellows. Also, otters. They're super wiggly.

Sometimes the light at the end of a tunnel is another lost asshole with a flashlight.

Sometimes I wish I could just  fast-forward through time, just to see if it's all worth it in the end.

The error of my ways is the only thing I have that I can't seem to fuck up.

So what did I do to piss you off this time? Wait, don't tell me. I want to fantasize about it.

I don't need my demons anymore. I got this shit.


Should I keep including wisdom in the tags?

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