I didn’t really put it all together until I saw the Dick Cheney was warning we are in “deep doo doo” with Kim Jong Un.  Why would Cheney talk about something he know so little about, somebody who is so meaningless to him.  And then I thought about it.

They both have essentially the same shape.

They both have the bizarre vacant/wild look in their eyes.

They both have a vicious/comical sneer

They both like to threaten with their weapons (there’s a Freudian relationship in there somewhere)

They both talk about weapon stockpiles that don’t exist (okay for Kim it is his own and for Cheney it is countries he wants to invade, but still).

They both love saber rattling

They both love their military but never served in it

Cheney shoots people’s faces with guns and Kim attacks paper faces with dogs

They both believe they don’t have to take any responsibility for anything they do

They both utter cryptic warnings every time they speak.

They both seem to have no heart (Cheney literally).

They both claim to hate Obama but secretly want him to call.

Cheney wants to cut social security, Kim wants to cut social relationships for more security

They are both short people who envy basketball players (all right I’m making this up about Cheney)

They both come from barren lands and have a chip on their shoulder about it.

They both did terrible at school

They both want to rule the world

Kim Jong Un’s proclamations bear a striking resemblance to Lynn Cheney’s writings

They both want to rule the world (this one is big so I’m saying it twice)

They both mistrust outsiders

They are both paranoid

They both like to talk about mushroom clouds

They could both be played by Richard Dreyfuss in the movie version of their lives

They both say they hate Richard Dreyfuss but secretly want him to call

I have it on good authority that 28 years ago Dick Cheney was seen returning from a Jack Abramoff sponsored junket to Korea wearing a hula dress, his face lathered in Kimci, bellowing that some Korean dictator’s wife had bled him dry and wrecked him for life.*

Kim Jong Un is Dick Cheney’s illegitimate dictator son?  We report you decide.

*Information obtained from bugging Mitch McConnell’s office (you figure it out).  

Your Email has been sent.