OK

prologue

I never asked for any gifts from Santabama , except for the return of the rule of law.

But he decided I needed some goodies anyway.

He and his pals decided we don't have enough shit in our diets, but couldn't agree on how to deliver it XMas Eve.

Follow me to the flip for a cautionary tale that will repeat itself again and again until we either decide we like to eat shit, or we start flinging shit.

Santabama has prepared a large gift basket for you.  In it, he has put glazed donuts, cotton candy, blueberry muffins, bacon chocolate, and Boston cream pie.  
Unfortunately, the elves, who secretly want Santabama's job, have decided that they won't deliver the gift basket if Santabama doesn't take a shit in it first.  What's Santabama to do?  Do you want the gift basket or not?   I'm sure you could wipe the shit off most of the food, or anyway, think of it as sprinkles!  And this, children, is Santabama's brilliant plan to both deliver you your gift basket, and to defeat the elves in their nefarious plan.
The end.
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PS
And we're all like, "He actually took a steaming shit all over the cotton candy!  Wait a minute, the shit obscured that it isn't even cotton candy at all!  And they charged me money for this 'gift'"
And they're all like, "Your irrational hatred of Santabama ensures the elves of replacing him!"
And we're all like, "What about the fact that he sat there and ate cheese for three days in order to take a dump this big?'
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Addendum
The elves, in all their nefarious treachery, decide to call Santbama out for shitting in the basket.  "Look at all this shit!" they say.  
Santabama responds cleverly, "The elves made me take a shit in that basket or they wouldn't deliver it!  And the basket is the most important thing in the world today!!!1!!"
And we're all like, "You still took a shit in that basket.  And we noticed all the other baskets you delivered had shit in them too.  How long have you been shitting us?"
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2nd addendum
In the next Santa election, the elf that thought up shitting in the basket wins in a landslide.  Of course, his gift basket will have all shit and no cotton candy.  But that is the elf's nature.  
Moral of the apologist story
   You knew he would do that when you emoprogs allowed him to be elected.
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Preview of next election
"We must nominate a candidate that is willing to take a shit in the basket!" say the apologists.  And Santaclinton loses inexplicably to Santabush, who cleverly never even mentions shit, or baskets.  
"It's all your fault for not wanting shit in the basket!" say the apologists.  
Wash, rinse, repeat every 4 years.

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