Angel: Stop, don't kill your son. God was just testing your loyalty.

Abraham: What the fuck is wrong with that guy?

God dude, if you don't want people eating apples, put the fucking tree on top of a mountain. Maybe have a few Minotaurs guarding the shit.

Why does everything have to be defined as theism, atheism or agnosticism. Can't I just smoke bud and believe in the Universe?

I often criticize religious people but they rarely retaliate. Can't help but respect that. Criticizing an atheist is like declaring war.

A good night's sleep is crucial to good health. It is also crucial to making you much more tolerable to your loved ones.

If you're in a crowded area, walk around with your index finger on your ear and say shit like "I have a visual on the assassin, sir."

Simple happiness tip: always ignore the recommended serving size, dosage, or whatever.

Get high on life! By using drugs!


If you're planning a shooting spree, please dress up as Waldo. The police manhunt would literally be the funniest shit anyone has ever see.

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