Well, golly gee, it sure seems like some folks are doing really not-smart things with guns. Like leaving them loaded in a corner, or on a bed, when there's little 'uns running to and fro. So we, your friendly questionnaire people, had the idea of a real friendly-like test to see if you are really qualified to be a gun owner.
Take your time, and think about your answers. Even though this is a really simple test, you want to be sure you get the right answers. This test will be graded.
It's below the orange squiggly thingy. Grab yer pencil or interweb finger and get started.
You have a 5-year-old child. An appropriate present is:
A. A gun
B. A plush animal or doll
C. A stuffed animal that you shot and stuffed yourself
A man without a gun is a wimpy wuss: True or False
A woman with a gun is highly arousing: True or False
A night table is a good place for a loaded gun in a household with children: True or False
The bigger the gun, the bigger the:
D. All of the above
Question 6: Liberals want to take our guns because:
A. They want to emasculate us (definition: shrink our dicks)
B: They're afeared of the revolution
C. The gubmint has all the ammo, now they need more guns
D. Abortion or some shit
E. All of the above
F. None of the above
If I have children under 18, I keep my guns in a locked gun safe, and the guns have trigger locks: True or False
Assault weapons are good for:
C. Mounting in a truck
D. Showing to neighbors
E. Mass murder
F. Law enforcement and military use only
Which of these statements is true:
A. I feel naked without a gun
B. I am never naked without my gun
C. All of the above
D. None of the above
If anyone comes to take my guns, I will:
A. Hand them over. I'm not an idiot.
B. Go out in a blaze of glory and take those sumbitches with me
C. Head to my bunker
D. Shoot myself. My wife and kids know I love my guns more than them
E. This is a trick question
You have completed the test! Congratulations. The correct answers and commentary are below.
Question 1: "B"is the correct answer. If you answered "A," that's scary, unless you live in the middle of nowhere with bears and wolves, and your 5-year-old is responsible for defending the house. If you answered, "C", that's pretty disgusting IMO.
Question 2: "False" is the correct answer. One always looks foolish when one makes assumptive generalizations.
Question 3: "False" is the correct answer. If you see a woman with a gun, it is probably pointed at you because you have fouled up or intend to commit a crime. If she is at a shooting range, she is practicing to shoot you more accurately. How they hanging now, dude?
Question 4: "False" is the correct answer. Night tables are not secure. They are also probably the first place a burglar would look for a gun.
Question 5: "C" is the correct answer. Any other answer reveals that you suffer from deep feelings of inadequacy and need counseling. Get it.
Question 6: "F" is the correct answer. None of the other choices has even a slight margin of truth. You need to stop watching Faux Nooz and believing all the crap you hear from fellow wackos.
Question 7: "True" is the correct answer. Gun ownership requires responsibility. Too bad if it's a pain in the ass. Get off your lazy butt and secure your guns. Always.
Question 8: "F" is the correct answer. Any other answer is asinine and proves that you are too stupid to own a gun.
Question 9: "D" is the correct answer. "A" is acceptable if you are in fact active military or a law enforcement officer. But if that is the case, we would not be administering this test. Therefore the point is moot. If you answered "B," you are seriously disturbed and might be THIS guy:
Scoring: Sorry. Anything less than 10 correct means that you are too stupid to own a gun.