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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

CHEERS to two years of "I do's!"

Gay couples in New York started getting married two years ago today, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let the day go by without saying, in no particular order but with equal vigah: Congratulations, Mazel Tov, Happy Anniversary!

As the proverbial knots have been tied throughout the state over the past 24 months, one right-wing myth has been busted all to hell: that gay relationships are short and rocky. Tell that to all the now happily-married same-sex spouses who have been together 10, 20, 30, 40 years or more…you'll get an earful.

New Yorker cover art showing Bert and Ernie as gay, watching the Supreme Court deliberate on their TV
And with the Supreme Court's June DOMA ruling---which was decided on behalf of New York plaintiff Edie Windsor---those couples now have federal recognition of their marriages:
“The Supreme Court’s decision to strike down the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act is a historic victory for the quintessentially American principle of equal justice under the law,” Attorney General Eric Schneiderman said. “Gay and lesbian Americans and their families have not only gained legal rights; but shed the unjust stigma that comes with being victims of legally sanctioned discrimination. Our nation has moved one step closer to fulfilling our founding ideals, and I am proud that New York was on the right side of history in this case.”
According to my confidential source (the internet), the traditional two-year anniversary gift is cotton and the modern gift is china. I ain't got no money for china, so instead I went old-school and got this for all you love birds (and bears!) who've gotten hitched since July 24, 2011:
I heart NY t-shirt gay themed
One small catch: you'll all have to share it. I'll post a schedule.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Note: C&J's usual NSA snooper, Bart, is at the dentist today.  Please say hi to his temp snooper, Gladys, who will be scrolling around from time to time to make sure we're not passing around state secrets, like the nuclear launch code for Missile #234-X-Alpha-1, which is "123456789."  Hi, Gladys!

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Conservapedia's version of the Obamacare logo
Classy logo,
Conservapedia.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Obamacare Health Insurance Exchange (HIX) opens: 69
Days 'til the Grainger County Tomato Festival in Tennessee: 3
Percent of Wi-Fi users who say they shop or manage financial information on a public Wi-Fi network: 50%
(Source: Trend Micro survey via USA Today)
Increase in criminal offenses by those 65 and older in Japan between 2002 and 2012: 2x
(Source: Bloomberg)
Miles of upstream habitat that fish will enjoy again along the Penobscot River in Maine when dams are removed and a special fish elevator is installed: 1,000
(Source: The Portland Press Herald)
Number of Netflix subscribers added between April and June: 630,000
U.S. adults who considered themselves optimists in 2004 and 2013, respectively: 79%, 50%
(Source: Time poll)

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 3 Tribulation Temples and 1 divine twitter account).  Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  Farewell, Schoep…

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CHEERS to the enemy of my enemy.  Well, well, well.  If Senate deadweight Mitch McConnell wasn't fighting for his political life before, he sure is now, thanks to a primary challenge from the right that has the tea party fists all balled up in childlike glee (but not the gay kind of glee…purely hetero, bub).  And cue the flamethrower:

"Senator McConnell’s Progressive Liberal voting record, his absolute iron fisted rule over the Republican Party in Kentucky and his willingness to roll over and cede power to President Obama and the Liberals in Washington, prove that he is no friend to the American people or the citizens of the Commonwealth of Kentucky," the letter says.
It's the tortoise versus the hare-brained.  Aaaand...[Bang!]...they're off!

Cat sticking its tongue out
Fig. 1
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JEERS to late-night snickers.  Oh, I tried---I really did---to avoid the new Anthony Weiner "scandal."  Seems the NYC mayoral candidate has been naughty again, and I need to make at least a cursory reference to it for the ol' C&J ar---[yawn]---chives.  But at least the unintentional humor on the news shows is amusing.  Last night Rachel Maddow called Weiner's penis-centric revelation "a new wrinkle."  And on The Last Word, guest Madeleine Castellanos called his predicament "a slippery slope."  By the time MSNBC, Fox and CNN finished their prime-time block at 11pm, the rim-shot guy had blisters on his fingers.  But unless Weiner spontaneously self-combusts literally into flames, this is the last you'll hear about him in C&J beyond polls and debates.  We'll fill the space with, I dunno, singing dogs or craaaazy cats (see Fig. 1) or something.  You're welcome.

CHEERS to defying expectations. Twenty-three years ago today, President George Bush---the relatively normal George Bush---announced that David Souter was his pick to replace liberal-leaning justice William Brennan on the U.S. Supreme Court:

Official photo of Supreme Court Justice of David Souter
He still turns the world
on with his smile.
Bush, who appeared nervous at the outset of the press conference, insisted he had not applied a "litmus test" of how Souter ruled in previous cases. The president noted that Souter had been considered for a previous Supreme Court opening late in the Reagan administration and added, "I have selected a person who will interpret the Constitution and, in my view, not legislate from the bench."
Souter's progressive leanings took conservatives---and liberals, frankly---by surprise. (I believe their exact words were, "What the F....??!!")  But he did exactly what his appointer said he would: rule fairly and un-legislatively.  We wish him a long and happy retirement in New Hampshire cracking walnuts with his gavel.  If anyone's earned it, he has.

CHEERS to the epicenter of world domination. (Hat tip to Eddie C)  Stu Rothenberg is a prominent and well-regarded political analyst, and his latest blog post covers the political evolution in the Great State of Maine.  Fact is, we've been more than happy to vote for Republicans at every level through the years, because they've have tended to be somewhat not crazy.  But as one city has turned a darker shade of blue, says Rothenberg, so has the state as a whole:

Portland, the state’s largest city, clearly has led Maine’s transformation from a swing state in the 1970s to a largely Democratic state now. … The gentrification that has developed in Portland is appearing elsewhere around the country, and for now at least, the kinds of voters who value Portland’s changing values and lifestyle seem more inclined to support Democratic candidates than Republicans.  That’s something for both parties to consider, not just in Maine but nationally.
Please don’t hate us because we're smart, sexy, and ahead of the curve.  Because that might make us angry.  You don’t want to see us when we're angry.  That's when we release the lobsters with lasers.

Nixon and Khruschev talking at a microphone during the famous 1959
"Potato!" "Puhtato!" "Tomato!" "Tomahto!"
"Let's settle this with nukes."
CHEERS to great moments in standing around fake display kitchens.  Fifty-four years ago today, on July 24, 1959, Richard Nixon---then Ike's veep---engaged in a verbal fisticuffs with Nikita Khrushchev on the merits of capitalism versus communism, an event that became known as the "Kitchen Debate."  It was a civilized discussion until the Soviet leader got pissed and gave one of Nixon's aide's a nipplectomy with a cheese grater.  (Khrushchev later paid to have them replaced, after which the aide sent him a brief note: "Thanks for the mammaries.")

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Five years ago in C&J: July 24, 2008

President Barack Obama in Berlin, July 2008
Ha! Ha! That lady over
there is pickin' her nose!
CHEERS to Day Four.  Even die-hard Hillary supporters have to admit: Barack Obama is makin' all the right moves on his overseas trip (which, we gleefully remind everyone, the Republicans prodded him to do---ha!) while John McCain just keeps getting angrier and more desperate.  Today---at  1pm eastern---Obama will give a speech in front of a hundred million screaming fans in Berlin, and make history as he addresses them directly:
"Wenn der Mist brav stinkt, so gibts Regen.  Die Frösche quaken wohl, aber das Wetter machen sie nicht.  Trägts Häschen lang sein Sommerkleid, so ist der Winter auch noch weit."
Translation: "When the manure is giving off a good stink, there'll be rain.  The frogs do indeed croak, but they don't make the weather.  If the bunny's wearing his summer coat a long time then winter is still far off."  Trust me---it'll bring the Germans to tears, and dislodge any food that might be stuck in the back of Obama's throat.  Everybody wins.  Except, of course, McCain.

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And just one more…

JEERS to the royal baby.  Sorry to steal your thunder, Britain, but we're just not that into your tyke, so we drafted one of our own (no, it's not the president's...it's a former WH employee's kid, and may I say, phew):

President Obama with a baby
It's a girl---brilliant!  Her full name is Georgette Washington Accepts Cornwallis Surrender At Yorktown.  But you can just call her Miss Yankee Doodlette of Whupass.

Have a nice Wednesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"The thing is, Bill in Portland Maine is under a mask, he could be anyone under that.  Gay, straight, black, white or anyone, he’s just a hero."
---Spider-Man

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