Yes, on the weekend of the 50th Anniversary of the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. "I Have a Dream" speech from the March on Washington to promote the Civil Rights Act, Governor Bobby Jindal - who probably couldn't have become a Governor without the legacy of that legislation - has decided to honor it by basically blaming racism on the people who are on the receiving end of it.

Yeah, because that only makes sense right?  Just what did all those people do to make themselves so hated?  Why can't they just straighten up and Fly American?

This on top of his currently leading the least popular Governor in the Country Pageant over such notable challengers as Scott Walker, Rick Snyder, Rick Perry, Rick Scott, John Kasich, Sam Brownback and Bob McDonnel.  And that's no mean feat.


“I do believe however, that while racism still rears its ugly head from time to time, America has made significant progress in the half century since Dr. King’s incredible speech,” he wrote. “But not all the news is good. In another respect, we have taken some steps backward.”

Jindal accused minorities of placing “far too much emphasis on our ‘separateness,’ our heritage, ethnic background, skin color, etc. We live in the age of hyphenated Americans: Asian-Americans, Italian-Americans, African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, Cuban-Americans, Indian-Americans, and Native Americans, to name just a few.

“Here’s an idea: How about just ‘Americans?’ That has a nice ring to it, if you ask me. Placing undue emphasis on our ‘separateness’ is a step backward. Bring back the melting pot,” the governor opined.

Let's examine how stupid this idea is over the flip...

Just as an experiment to test the validity of Jindal-thought, let's imagine he wasn't talking about people being too hyphenated.  Let's imagine he was talking about food.  You see, the real problem we have in America is too much hyphenated food. All that Italian-Food and Chinese-Food and Mexican-Food and Indian-Food is just to divisive and separate-y.

We need to put all our food together, so that everyone will like all our food equally. No more hyphenation, we now must call it all - Food-Food.  See isn't that more comfortable?

Because everyone knows that Food-Food is good for you, not like that that Not-Food-Food like Plastic, Rubber, Aluminum Siding, Dry-wall, leaking Tar-Sands Oil and Fractoid Waste Water.

"I Have a Dream" where all food was finally treated equally.  And all we had to do was ignore everything about it, close our eyes and swallow.

Isn't that easy?

Who needs menus?  Just give me the Foodiest Food-Food you have. For a decent price. And extra Sea-Salt.

Yes, without a sense of history, or heritage, without all that Ethnic Stuff we would be so much better off. You see our problem is we know too much stuff and if we could just forget it all, just ignore it all, just live in a world of blindness - everything would be all right.  All of food problems would now melt away in a sea of awesomeness.

In fact, maybe actual blindfolds would help? I mean who needs to see what they're eating anyway?  If they did that - people might Judge it, make a decision about it - if they did that people might discriminate in their food choices!.

Gasp! Can't have that can we?

Unfortunately Bobby Jindal wasn't talking about Food. He was talking about People. He was saying that the problem with minorities is they have the all-fired God Damn Gall to actually believe that have some kind of Freedom To Associate or something.

It's not like something like that is included in one of our Constitutional Amendments or anything.  Not even the very first one.

Heaven for-fend the idea that people can be, have a RIGHT TO BE exactly who and what they actually are.  Because - y'know - Freedom.

See, America's problem is clearly that too many American's are too Free to be their own version of American.  They're too "hyphenated" and that separates us too much.  We have to be all the same before we can hope to be treated the same.

Yeah, we all need to leave our native heritage, and our native religion - the way that Bobby Jindal left being his native Hindu Religion to become Catholic - and all convert to Westboro Baptists.

Because clearly we can't all choose our own separate Religion can we?  Clearly we have too many hyphenated Christians in the country, right?  We got the Catholic-Christians, and the Methodist-Christians and the Mormon-Christians and the Protestant-Christians and the Anglican-Christians and their cousins the Episcopal-Christians and the Have-Tons-of-Wives-And-Stockpile-Automatic-Guns-Christians and then of course we have the Baptist-Christians.

So naturally we should all just be Baptists, cuz clearly those are the Most Christ-y Christians of All since they named themselves after the process you go through to become a Christian - the Baptism.

Makes perfect Jindal Sense right? How could anything go wrong with that?  We've solved the Too-Many-Kinds-of-Americans problem, the Too-Many-Ethics-Food problem and now the Religion Problem.

And now that we're all in the All American All Baptist Church of All-someness, we can all grab our protest signs together and make sure we keep our gorgeous righteous accepting and precious America pure and clear of all that would threaten and harm it, we must keep it FREE from all that would destroy it.

Which of course, every Republican has made perfectly clear to us all haven't they?

America has to be protected from the Greek.

Oh, I'm sorry, from becoming Greece.

Right, m'kay.  We don't want to be anything like the nation that founded Reason or anything.

Or on the other hand we could simply try to put a stop to Racist-Americans. Maybe we've simply become a little too tolerant of them, ya think? Maybe our freedom of "Choice" isn't the problem, but Dumb Asshole Choices quite possibly are.

I'm just saying.  #JindalLogic.


Originally posted to Vyan on Tue Aug 27, 2013 at 05:49 AM PDT.

Also republished by Louisiana Kossacks.

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