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Frankenstein Industries Denies Role in Local Deaths, Chaos

WASHINGTON--Frankenstein Industries, creator of the monster alleged to be behind the murder of a young girl and several incidents of destruction and terror locally, today denied any connection between what it called "legitimate scientific research," and recent events in our village.

"At no time have we ever advocated children getting killed or anyone experiencing fear upon encountering the so-called monster," said Philip Ellender, the company's chief lobbyist. "We are engaged in objective scientific research, not terrorizing the public."

When asked by reporters why the company shouldn't be held responsible for the actions of its own creation, Ellender responded, "Hey, we just stitch them together and spark them up. What happens next is not our fault.

Still, damages caused by the company's project have damaged its image, causing a PR nightmare for the biological research firm. Ellender, in an effort to distance the company from the monster's actions, elaborated, "Fire? Love the stuff. Mighty handy for heat and light, plus, where else are we going to get fire-roasted peppers?"

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