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POLITIFORMERS: More than eye for eye!
[ Part I - II - III - IV - V ]

Little did you know, but many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.

Here in Part V be everyone else who, with varying degrees of trepidation, shares the galaxy with the Politiformers. About these amazing revelations of identities hidden in plain sight, there's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. You fool me, you can't get fooled again." Um, right. Anyways, onward:

EVERYONE ELSE

Corporassons


International Corporations/Quintessons
Multi-faced, soulless, ageless, and inherently evil, they just can't help themselves from pulling strings behind the scenes. Amoral, or immoral? Haha, trick question!

Lobbicons


Lobbyists/Sharkticons
They serve the Corporassons' every whim. Relentlessly persistent, they seem to have some kind of hive mind. Sorta fickle, though.

Uniburton


Halliburton/Unicron
In either its mercenary pillage-happy Viking mode or its only-slightly-more-subtle globular industrial contractor form, it feeds on natural resources and the destruction of civilizations in order to further expand its reach and concentrate its power. Though Megadick proclaims independence from Uniburton, it and he are inextricably intertwined, both in terms of influence and cashola. Uniburton's only weakness is one wee little thing: the One True Ring that can only be destroyed... Wait, no, wrong story. It's the Fifth Element, not earth, fire, wind, or... Damnit, no! It's the good side of the Force... Aw, heck. Well, anyways: it's what the Demobots are supposed to stand for but all too often don't.

Washingtron


Washington, D.C./Cybertron
Demobots and Republicons fight back and forth for control of this city-planet, the fate of which has great impact on Earth. Neither side can ever seem to vanquish the other for good. (Can't quite put your finger on it, but does something in there seem a tad inconsistent with other parts of the premise? Too bad, welcome to the Politiformers!)

Humans


Humans (a.k.a. flesh creatures)
Uh, I guess that would be us hapless souls. Also known as "flesh creatures," if you ask Megadick. (But please don't; the less he thinks about us, the better.) Good luck keeping the planet in livable condition!

Pro tip: Mouse over the images and wait a sec to see the pre-mashup names.

This is the fifth in a five-part daily series exposing the long-held secrets of the Politiformers:
I.   Republicons - Sorcerers of Mass Destruction
II.  Republicons - Pillage of the Damned
III. Demobots - Inauspicious Study of Discernible Reality
IV. Demobots - The Best and the Shiniest
V.  The Rest of Us - Some Robots Are More Equal Than Others
Thus concludes this season of the Politiformers. If you want to cheat like a lousy Press Sweepretary, you can find the complete series (minus a bit of each episode's introduction material) all in one giant earlier post.

[Theme song trumpet playout] Dah dah dah DAHHH... Dah dah DAH dah dahhh...

Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987). Any crossover from that newfangled Michael Bay stuff is purely coincidental, I assure you. Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition. The Seibertron, ToyBin, and Transformers Wiki sites were useful for "research" for the post.
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