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Last night, Jon Stewart again took Fox News to task for their annual whine-fest about the supposed "War on Christmas".

What is it like to live in that world of pure fear and despair, where every inconsequential change in what was, becomes a harbinger of a dystopian post-America apocalypse, where only Muslims can swim?  And the sidewalk game where decent law-abiding white folk are randomly knocked out has replaced baseball as our national pastime.  And the sense of persecution is always at its worst right around this time of year.
AINSLEY EARHARDT (12/2/2013): A new battle in the War on Christmas.

HEATHER NAUERT (12/2/2013): ... the War on Christmas ...

ELISABETH HASSELBECK (12/2/2013): ... the War on Christmas ...

AINSLEY EARHARDT (12/2/2013): The school district that's now saying faith-based tunes have no place in their elementary school.

DOUG NAPIER (12/2/2013): The majority of Americans celebrate Christmas, so everybody should have the right to enjoy this season without the interference of a few bah-humbug bullies.

"How can I enjoy my Christmas when I know that somewhere, a little Jewish boy isn't being forced to sing 'O Little Town of Bethlehem'?  (audience laughter)  Where's the joy there??"

Who will save Christmas?

JAKE TAPPER (11/12/2013): Sarah Palin ... she has a new book out about the meaning of Christmas.
(audience laughter and applause; Jon takes out Purel to wash his hands)  

I was hoping for Blitzen, but she'll do, carry on.

11/12/2013:

JAKE TAPPER: Can you understand why somebody who is not a self-identified Christian would feel uncomfortable with a demonstration of something from the Bible — from the New Testament — coming from the government, ... because to them, that might feel like their government is picking a religion and it's not theirs?

SARAH PALIN: Well, there are things that we can do about that to, I guess, lessen that offense.  We can do that in our personal lives.  For instance, in my family, we have the menorah out on through December on our kitchen table.  I want to teach my children about the Jewish faith.

Quick word to the Palin kids.  While I appreciate the gesture, Jews don't actually just leave a menorah out for the month of December.  (hysterical audience laughter and applause)  Like a knickknack in a curio case.  It goes in the window, and you only put it there for eight days.  And also, Palin kids, this is not a menorah.

(audience laughter and applause)

Now, there's gotta be someone who can defend Christmas with a little more authority.

BILL O'REILLY (12/2/2013): Over the years, we've taken on the role of protecting the federal holiday of Christmas.
Even though it is not in any way threatened.  But I'll bite.  Since we do this dance every year, tell me why this year, it is especially egregious to use the phrase "Happy Holidays".
BILL O'REILLY (12/2/2013): What is interesting this year is that Hanukkah will be over on Thursday.  So there are no more "holidays" between then and Christmas Day.
Damn you, O'Reilly!  We've been checkmated!  Without Hanukkah, we have no excuse to say "Happy Holidays", plural.  Because apparently, you can't include anything past Christmas, like Kwanzaa, Epiphany, New Year's.

Although by that logic, it means that up until Hanukkah, you can only say "Happy Hanukkah", but who the fuck cares about that?  But I'm sorry, I interrupted your flow, Mr. O'Reilly.  What other secular humanists are peeing on your yule log this year?

BILL O'REILLY (12/3/2013): Macy's, a company that I generally like....
Macy's!!!  Macy's isn't Christmas-y enough for you??  Macy's??  This Macy's???

The one emblazoned with a bejeweled "Believe" sign that can be seen from space?  The one that looks as though someone ejaculated tinsel all over it?  (audience laughter)  That Macy's??  What have they done??

BILL O'REILLY (12/3/2013): This year, they're touting Santa Claus, who will help you "with your holiday wish list".  So here's my question to Macy's.  What "holiday" is Santa celebrating?
Ah!  That is a good question.  Santa, or Sinterklaas, is celebrating the Feast of Saint Nicholas, which originated in the Netherlands in the Middle Ages, and occurs every December 6th.  But, you might not have heard about that, because like every other December holiday, it was long ago sucked into the insatiable black hole that is Christmas.

And by the way, you're upset with a department store, because in their effort to get you to buy a Swarovski crystal Hello Kitty snowman figurine...

they're not invoking Christ's name enough.

I thought Christians used to complain that their holiday was getting commercialized.  Are those days gone?

SARAH PALIN (11/11/2013): I love the commercialization of Christmas because it spreads the Christmas cheer.  It's the most jolly holiday, obviously, on our calendar.
Obviously!  So commercialization is what's spreading Christmas cheer!  Oh, I've been so confused about the message of that holiday for so long!  I thought it was about opening one's home to friends and family, not opening one's present and then returning it for store credit.

Look, if the true spirit of Christmas is best spread and expressed through commercialism and materialism, then anyone who denounces those things is, by the transitive property, waging a War on Christmas.  Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly, meet your newest nemesis.

SCOTT PELLEY (11/26/2013): Today, Pope Francis denounced trickle-down economics as unfair to the poor.

ALISON KOSIK (12/1/2013): He takes a shot at commercialism.

KAREN FINNEY (11/30/2013): Calling for Catholics everywhere to resist excessive capitalism and materialism.

When will the Pope stop his War on Christmas?  (wild audience cheering and applause)  Well, I hope his message is heard, and someday Macy's will truly honor the spirit of Christmas.

We'll be right back.

Video below the fold.

Jon then looked at the RNC's tweet about Rosa Parks having "ended" racism.
Meanwhile, Stephen talked about the Pope helping the homeless anonymously at night in Rome, and about the ludicrous reaction from right-wingers to the FDA banning trans fats.
He then noted the latest technology innovation, an iPad mounted on a robot for telecommuters.

Jon talked with actor Jared Leto, and Stephen talked with NASA's Ed Stone, to whom he presented NASA's Distinguished Service Medal.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Wed Dec 04, 2013 at 07:30 AM PST.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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