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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Tuesday + Haiku = Tuehaiskuday!

Walking down the street
Copter zooms by, cash flutters
Ms. Yellen waves hi

Japanese garden
Swishing to Sochi
Best revenge: gays winning golds
Let the games begin

Running in '16?
Christie! Christie! He's our man!
Sorry. That lane's closed.

The "stupid party"
Will stop being stupid soon?
Flap those wings, piggy.

Bankster squirms, gulps, sweats
Liz Warren adjusts her specs
"Okay, first question..."

Ann Romney rages
Mitt lost so you're all losers!
Still moochers too, right?

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Note: Because conservatives are outraged at Coke for their multilingual Super Bowl ad, and because liberals are outraged at Coke because they're sponsoring the anti-gay Russian security goons at the Sochi Olympics, the group No Labels is endorsing Coke as their official beverage.  Vive le pragmatic centrism!
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Boston Red Sox logo
16 days to
spring training!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the first full workout by the Red Sox during spring training: 16
Days 'til the E-Fest indoor electric-flying festival in Champaign, Illinois: 11
Percent chance
Current number of officers who maintain our nuclear weapons facilities and are embroiled in a proficiency-test scandal: 92
Portion of our nuclear force temporarily taken offline because of the scandal: 1/5
(Source: Washington Post)
Percent drop in the Dow in January: 5.3%
Guns confiscated by the TSA at airport checkpoints last year, an increase of 16.5% over 2012: 1,813
(Source: Time)
Best and worst time, respectively, to buy airline tickets: Wed. 5am & Fri. 6pm
(Source: The Today Show)

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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere TWOFER:

Maybe God put the Broncos on an international stage just so that He could spank them without mercy. 43-8 to the Seahawks is an embarrassing spanking. I think also the Broncos office people (Elway in particular) made some very anti-Christian statements. I web searched for them but could not find them so I will hedge that statement.
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These games are fixed! 1st Seattle win ever, AND They have the country's first socialist elected leaders!
---Commenters Apokalupto and snapdude at World Net Daily
All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  The top of the doggie heap sets a record…

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Sleeptrain Presidents' Day mattress sale ad
CHEERS to February!  For the shortest month, it sure packs a lot of goodies in it. Highlights: Black History Month, more daylight, Waitangi Day in New Zealand, Heritage Day in Canada, Valentine's Day (I want a heart-shaped trillion dollar platinum coin) which coincides with....awww...the full moon, George & Abe's Great Presidents' Day Mattress Sale-A-Bration, Charles Dickens Day, Flag Day in Mexico, and today is Create A Vacuum Day (chaired this year by Rand Paul because he's #1 at suckage).  Memo to March: you better start figuring out how to come in like a lamb this year or it's gonna get ugly.

P.S. While Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow last Sunday and ensured six more weeks of winter, Punxsutawney Paranoid saw President Obama's shadow, ensuring three more years of tyranny.  Awesome.

Makes history.
CHEERS to another crack in the glass ceiling.  As Ben Bernanke skittered over to his new cushy job counting beans at the Brookings Institute, Janet Yellen was sworn in yesterday as the first Chairwoman of the Federal Reserve.  After taking a ceremonial dip in the swimming pool filled with Franklins and partaking in the ceremonial breaking of a hundred million dollar bill ("99 million-dollar bills, please, and the rest in quarters"), she got down to business.  Her first act: rolling around in money, since that's, like, the job.

CHEERS to loving in Virginia.  Big case starts today in the "Don’t you DARE put the word West in front of our name" state:

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On Tuesday, February 4, 2014, the first hearing in the Virginia marriage equality case of Bostic v. Rainey will be held at the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia before Judge Arenda L. Wright Allen. The Bostic Plaintiffs’ lawsuit---first filed in July 2013 in Norfolk---argues that the Virginia Marriage Amendment and laws banning same-sex marriage are unconstitutional because they violate the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution, violate Due Process, and single out gays and lesbians for a disfavored legal status, thereby creating a category of “second-class citizens.”
This is the case being argued by David Boies and Ted Olson, the dynamic duo who took California's ridiculous Proposition 8 law and tore it to shreds.  Joining them is Virginia's new Attorney General who, unlike the old one, thinks the laws should get the heave-ho.  As we know from previous cases, all the right-wingers have on their side is bigotry, Bible-thumpin' and bullshit.  I hope Judge Wright is of the snarky variety.  It adds to the entertainment value.

CHEERS to #1.  On February 4, 1789, George Washington---whom today's right-wingers would despise because he preferred bowing to shaking hands---clinched the presidency with 69 electoral votes.  Upon hearing the news, he said his feelings were "...not unlike those of a culprit who is going to the place of his execution."  His first official act: providing all Americans equal access to quality mattresses at low low discount prices, a February tradition that lives on to this day.

JEERS to minor clarifications.  In light of new information that he did, in fact, know about the lane closures in Fort Lee when they were happening, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie issued the following correction:

"Oh….THAT bridge?  Why didn't you say so?  I thought you were talking about a different bridge!  Let me say this about that…"

[ker-SLAM!]

"Drive! Drive!"

I trust this ends the matter.

CHEERS to the gift that just kept on giving.  Happy birthday to former Vice President Dan Quayle, who turns 67 today. He certainly wasn't an evil vice president like Dick Cheney, but I still want to see him tried in the International Criminal Court for torturing the English language:

Time magazine cover with Dan Quayle and the headline
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice-president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'

If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure.

For NASA, space is still a high priority.

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.

You’re still no Jack Kennedy, Dan.  But you're also not your idiot son who said in a campaign ad that Barack Obama was the worst president in history and then got booted after one sorry term in Congress.  So for today only---in honor of the occasion and for all the laughter ya brung us---we'll let potato have an e.

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Five years ago in C&J: February 4, 2009

JEERS to demagogues in dresses.  The Vatican continues its steady march to loopdydoodom:

What a difference an
abdication makes.
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Pope Benedict XVI has made another controversial appointment by elevating to the position of bishop an Austrian pastor who said Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for homosexuality in New Orleans.  The Vatican yesterday announced that Gerhard Wagner has been appointed as auxiliary bishop in Linz, Austria.  In 2005, the 54-year-old was quoted in a parish newsletter as saying he was convinced that the death and destruction caused by Katrina that year was "divine retribution" for New Orleans' permissive sexual attitudes and tolerance of homosexuality.
Because of that, I'm going to join the Catholic church.  So I can quit in disgust.  (Would it be rude to do it after they've doled out the wine?)

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And just one more…

Folk singer/activist Pete Seeger
He died as he lived:
surrounded by music.
JEERS to that damn rule of threes.  Over the weekend we lost two acting greats: Maximillian Schell at 83 (natural causes) and Philip Seymour Hoffman at 46 (heroin poisoning).  Along with one of earth's most celebrated bipeds, Pete Seeger, they complete another one of God's nasty little celebrity trifectas.  I was glad to hear, though, that Seeger's passing was preceded by a hospital-room gathering of friends and family, who serenaded him one last time with the songs he wrote and played and loved.  Peter Yarrow (of Peter, Paul & Mary) was there, and his account is beautiful.  I also read that just ten days earlier, Seeger was out in his yard chopping wood.  When I'm 94 I'll be happy if I can still make it to the bathroom in time.  Anyway, my point is: impeach God.

Have a nice Tuesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

The infamous Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool is best known for its pungent smell, variously compared to sewage, rotting flesh or, at best, ripe cheese.
---The Guardian

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