...But I don't. I've been writing diaries here almost two years, and I almost always seem to be saying the same thing: That no matter how far I try to go in everything I've ever done, I can't seem to break the glass floor or get noticed.
I've also talked about my college days and about how I thought a college education could have given me a chance for real employment, and to be honest, I should have realized that anything I would have been able to do would have been outsourced by the time I was done with my degrees. Not being able to leave a dead county like Brevard whose opportunities are never coming back doesn't help either, but I digress.
Bitterness and anger have stuck with me like old leather throughout my life because no matter how hard I work, I'll always be the weird kid who'll likely never be taken seriously because the weird bit is all they'll ever see. And no matter what I do, it only gets worse because there's no outlet.
My lack of experience doesn't help either. You can have all the skills in the world, but if your employment is spotty due to no fault of your own, you are fucked. At least, that's been the case with me no matter what position I've applied for.
That's made even worse when my Employment Specialist comes with me on interviews. He's been to 3 out of the four I've had in the last six months, and I'm convinced his presence did nothing more than painted a target on my ass, well meaning as he is.
Like I said, I wish I had any advice to give to other people in situations like mine, but I don't. I suppose it's because I have no real way of coping with or overcoming the bullshit I deal with on a daily basis.
I also find it difficult to even want to fight for anything anymore. Whether it's employment, Social Security or paths forbid even Medicaid, I've pretty much given up on them because down here in Brevard County, FloriDerp, there's almost no resources for people like me in any case.
I suppose I do have one bit of advice: If you're disabled and you live in a state like Florida, get the fuck out. The voting majority would rather do whatever it takes to keep it as a tax haven and oasis for old rich retirees, so there's little to no chance in hell of that ever changing, even if Charlie Crist gets a second shot as governor. And he was actually fairly decent the first time around. Otherwise, I'm honestly convinced that Florida just isn't worth saving because we've no way of getting through to people who flat out refuse to listen.
Even if I could leave, I don't know any place who would have use for me.
See you around,