What is the force that holds the universe together? What is the force that keeps atoms whirling around their nuclei? There have been many competing theories but physicist and Bible grifter Bryan Fischer announced to the world that he has discovered that force and it is Jesus Christ.

Yes, the popular Palestinian evangelist J. Christ is actually the supreme force in the universe, the power that is “keeping the universe from flying apart into fragments.”

Physicists the world over have been stunned into silence by this astonishing discovery and have yet to react to the news that they were all wrong about everything.

This is, obviously, good news for John McCain...but bad news for Richard Dawkins.

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