O-right, as we say in Jersey: here’s me cutting myself into the Sunday news talk shows again. This time it's Fox News Sunday, and I'm talking with Karl Rove.
A weekly roundup of the buzz from the Sunday talk shows
Monday, December 3, 2007; Page A02
Karl Rove defended his recent assertion that Democrats in Congress pushed the country to war with Iraq faster than the White House wanted.
Fox News Sunday: Mr. Rove, you lovable rascal, would you care to defend your recent assertion that Democrats in Congress pushed the country to war with Iraq faster than the White House wanted?
Me: What kind of fucking asshole would say something as ridiculously untrue as that? Oh—here is he is right here, sitting next to me on the panel—
Rove: "The general conventional wisdom is that the president was the only person pushing the Congress to vote on the war resolution before the November election."
Me: That’s another fucking lie. A different lie to avoid explaining the first lie. There was no shortage of bloodthirsty right wing bullshit artists who were pushing the Congress to vote on the war resolution before the November election. No one is claiming that "the president was the only person" pushing that, there were tens of thousands of assistant shitheels helping him do that, including you and the owner of this bullshit propaganda network.
Rove: "And that's simply not true. [Former Senate majority leader] Tom Daschle in June [of 2002] said there's broad support for regime change in Iraq."
Me: I don’t know if that’s true or not, if Karl Rove announces it’s sunny outside, I take an umbrella on the strength of his word. He’s a fuckin’ liar by profession, ladies and gentlemen, and everybody knows it, including the irresponsible jerkoffs who ask him to appear on these shows as "an expert on politics." Anyway--it doesn’t fucking matter what Daschle fucking thought. The president is responsible for making the case for war or peace to the country and the Congress, and you turd-slingers lied your asses off about the degree of the threat from Iraq so that people like Daschle would back you in this sorry fucking historical debacle. And you’re still lying about it. And none of the bullshit you offered here today actually answers the challenge you were given: to "defend your recent assertion that Democrats in Congress pushed the country to war with Iraq faster than the White House wanted."
Your answers are non-responsive bullshit, strike them. And now we’re going to a commercial about a new kind of douche bag or something, which will probably do a better job of defending the lying charge about "Democrats in Congress pushed the country to war with Iraq" than this old douche bag here did.
Commercial: (soft acoustic guitar plays a Bach canticle in the background as we see a longshot of a woman walking across a sunny field of wildflowers on a breezy day.)
Woman’s voice over: Sometimes a woman doesn’t feel as fresh as she should (etc. etc.)
(Oddly enough, the commercial turns out to be for snow tires. So don't write me about that.)
Me: We’re back with Fox News Sunday. Rep. Chris Van Hollen (Md.), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, do you have a question for this unrepentant life-long liar that we’ve invited on the air again so he can lie to us all again, as if that was a valuable use of airtime and of value to the American political discourse?
Van Hollen: Yes. Mr. Rove, what about this Washington Post report that quoted former Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer as saying it was "definitely" the administration that "set . . . in motion and determined the timing" of the war resolution?
Rove: Ari Fleischer was "not aware of and was not privileged" to all the information he needed to make the most accurate assessment.
Me: Neither was your MOTHER, Rove. Neither were you, neither was I, neither was the kid who brings in the donuts. Neither was the fucking President of the United States! Even if they gave him all the information he needed to make the most accurate assessment—he couldn’t understand it and he wasn’t interested in it. He’d already decided to go to war in Iraq whether there was a threat from WMDs or not. Ari Fleischer is just telling the truth for once in his life, and it’s no defense for you to argue that your own White House Press Secretary had no idea of what was going on. You drove this fucking thing, Rove, you were in charge of selling the public on the idea of going to war—and now you’re here trying to deny that that even happened? What the fuck are you, Pravda or something? Why don’t you tell us about how you torpedo’d your own political party in just seven years, cost it the Congress with these fucking lies you’re still telling? If Bush had just sat on his hands in the Oval Office with his mouth zipped shut, he could have been re-elected, but no—you couldn’t resist you power-mad obsession with lying to the American public. You set out to build a permanent conservative majority and instead you turned the party to shit with your crazy lies—and here’s Fox presenting you as a "big political expert." My ass is a better political expert than you are, and the noises that come out of it are more trustworthy than you.
(to camera) Anyway—that’s all we have time for this morning, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, and best wishes for a good week from... roll that computer graphic, boys... Fox News Sunday.