I've avoided watching the debates until now because I saw them as little more than exercises in media manipulation. This time, I wanted to watch the Republican debate just to hear the other candidates respond to Ron Paul. Unfortunately, I had a scheduling conflict so I asked a kid to take notes for me. As the debate began, I drew a quick seating chart of the candidates to help the kid keep track of who said what and then ran off. BTW - this is not snark. This is a straight rendition from a 9 year old. The only changes I made were for spelling errors (except the names).
It must have been more difficult than I thought to keep track of all the new names. That's the only reason I can think of to explain why this reporter devised a new naming strategy to keep track of the candidates. Aside from that, it seems they got all the high points.
Follow me below the fold for the 9-year old's rendition of a fight between Sarge, Wrinkles, Bunny Ears, Oily, Beagle Eyes and Carrot Face...
They are rude
Arrogant foreign policy
We need 400,000 troops
Don't let politicians get involved
Leave it to military with blood on their boots.
President policy good
Patriot Act good
Electric snooping good
Capturing Saddam mistake
Clinton peace dividend bad
We need more troops
We need more ships
Constitution has 10 Amendments
Immigration is bad
Secure border from immigration
America is safe
America is not safe
America is safe
Petraeus is good
Strategy was bad
Now it is good
Sarge is confusing
We are bullies
If not listening we bomb them.
If listening we give them money.
Oily, Wrinkles and Carrot Face are making fun of Bunny Ears.
Olympics got attacked
Fight. Fight. Interrupt. Fight.
Healthcare best in the world.
War funds for health care
Inflation needs to be under control
They don't need Hillery care?
People go to India for heart surgery
airplane + hotel + surgery = 50% of cost in America.
People don't have health insurance.
Wrinkles is making fun of Bunny Ears again.
Wrinkles and Oily fighting about man dates.
Oily says man dates are ok sometimes.
Wrinkles doesn't like dating men.
Get everyone insured!
We have disease care.
Affordability is good.
$1,000 for Kleenex in a hospital (no way!)
Incentives to keep cost down.
The power of the pharmaceutical companies.
Republican elephant hate democrats
Temporary work program.
We are all God's children
12,000,000 illegal immigrants
Juliani was a mayor.
John Micane never supported amnesty
Charge $5,000 to stay
Immigrants should not be rewarded
Fight.Fight. Interrupt. Fight
Do not sent 12,000,000
Ronald Reagan on some commercial.
New York is a Sanctuary City
Send people to the end of the line to live there.
They can deport themselves.
Get rid of income tax
oil costs $100 per barrel.
Oily, Sarge, Wrinkles and Carrot Face making fun of Bunny Ears.
Beagle Eyes is listening to Bunny Ears.
We need wind, solar, nuclear
Reduce green house gases
Reduce gas emissions
Reduce our demand
More about amnesty
Legal immigration good
Obama doesn't have the background to lead.
No candidate likes Obama.
Republicans don't think he'll be a good president.
Obama gonna win.
Here is a list in case you haven't already figured out which nickname refers to which candidate:
McCain = Sarge
Thompson = Wrinkles
Paul = Bunny Ears
Romney = Oily
Huckabee = Beagle Eyes
Giuliani = Carrot Face
UPDATE: A lot of the comments relate to the identity and gender of the kid. I'm not answering any of those for obvious reasons. I think it is only fair the kid's privacy rights not be infringed without explicit consent from the kid's legal guardians. All I will say is the kid is real and thinks the response is awesome!
UPDATE II: I see this has already hit the blogs and is being picked up by Google and the news stream. There was one diary that builds on this I think worth linking to: The first diary to use Bunny Ears et al in the title: the making of a meme. Sounds like a plan to me.
UPDATE III: This diary has caught fire! I can't believe it, even Google is now listing it as the first entry under best diary ever. That seems a bit much, but hey.... who am I to argue with the all powerful Google?
UPDATE IV: Apparently Bunny Ears' supporters have hopped on this poll. Way to go guys. Crush a kid's dreams. Well, you may win this poll, but you will never be considered The Best Diary Ever according to the GoogleGods. They will not bend to your whims.