From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Save C&J Fundraiser: Year 4, Day 2 Update
Off to a great start. Yesterday you contributed $5,000 to the annual C&J fundraiser---Thank You! Once we hit $25k, I'll stop the "gimme gimme gimme (pretty please)" campaign and leave you alone for a year. Such a deal!
To send a check via snail mail, the address is: Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
Many thanks. And now, because I know you come here to see blood, it's time for...
CLASH of the OP-ED TITANS!
David Broder of The Washington Post, you won the coin toss, so you go first:
I’d like to see Pelosi and the rest of the Democratic leaders take [John] Boehner up on the challenge he has raised, not try to demean it. He said, for example, that rather than stifling debate through the manipulation of rules, "we should open things up and let the battle of ideas help break down the scar tissue between the parties. . . . Let's let legislators legislate again." ...
Boehner was a serious legislator for five years at the start of this decade as chairman of the House Committee on Education and the Workforce, before he became a floor leader for his party. His diagnosis of the problems in Congress offers a starting point for a cure. Let's hope the Democrats respond.
Bob Herbert of The New York Times, your rebuttal?
The hack who once handed out checks on the House floor is now a coddled, gilded flunky of the nation’s big-time corporate elite. ...
Just this past July, Mr. Boehner called for a moratorium on new federal regulations, saying it would be "a wonderful signal to the private sector that they’re going to have some breathing room." Talk about an invitation to a nightmare. Try imagining how the public would be treated by banks, energy companies, food processors and myriad other powerful entities if the federal government were forced by law to ignore even more of their predations.
That’s Mr. Boehner, for you---always willing to stick his neck out for the elite. When it comes to policies of particular concern to ordinary individuals and families, however, his generosity of spirit and passionate willingness to help vanishes.
And the winner is... [Up to you, via today's poll.]
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Note: "Hey! You got your apathy in my ignorance!" "Well you got your ignorance in my apathy!" [nom nom nom...] "Mmmm...delicious!" "Indubitably!"
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the midterm elections: 27
Days `til the Wellfleet OysterFest on Cape Cod: 10
Nationwide drop in personal income from 2008 through 2009: 2.9%
Number of states in which personal income went up during that time: 1 (North Dakota)
(Source: The Washington Post)
Days it takes the Gliese 581g "Goldilocks" planet to orbit its sun: 37
Temperature range on the planet: -25 to 160
Percent chance that anti-gay senate candidate Christine O'Donnell has an openly lesbian sister who's apparently in denial: 100%
(Source: The Guardian)
CHEERS to the most important story of the day. (Oops, sorry, I shoulda tossed in some exclamation points. Here: !!!!!!!!!) New South Park tonight. Watch the preview here. Ya know, that'd be one way to get young voters to turn out for the midterms: an ad that screams, "Republicans wanna take away yer Cartman!" They'd make the tea party ralliers look like newborns on Ambien.
JEERS to the pot police. The "proper authorities" in Colorado are planning to take extra-tough measures to monitor medical marijuana patients:
Patients and marijuana advocates fear they will be harassed by a Big Brother-type intrusion as computers and video cameras monitor every ounce of pot sold in the state. Officials are also considering fingerprinting marijuana patients and keeping tabs on pot with radio-frequency devices. ...
But patients are vowing to fight tracking plans. They're especially alarmed that state regulators have yet to issue specifics on how the tracking would work "It seems like there could be an ulterior motive here," said Randy James Martinez of Commerce City, 42, who uses medical marijuana for diabetic neuropathy. "Why do they need to keep such close track? Opiate abuse is far more prevalent and far more destructive than any marijuana use or abuse."
Besides, there's a system in place already. It's called follow the Twinkie wrappers.
CHEERS to Great Moments Republican gaffery (and this was a biggun'). On September 6,1976, President Gerald Ford claimed during a debate that there was "no Soviet domination in Eastern Europe." The GOP let 72 hours pass before correcting themselves, giving Jimmy Carter time to drop the hammer. Today, of course, Republicans don’t even bother to correct anything. They just get Fox News to stick a "(D)" next to the offender's name and send in Andrew Breitbart to concoct a new story. Heh, corrections. Really...how quaint.
CHEERS to punishment that fits the crime. Times Square bomber Fuckwad McAssbritches rigged that car with explosives so poorly that it would've just sat there doing nothing for the rest of its life. And, thanks to a Manhattan judge, that's what Cocky van Goober will be doing for the rest of his life. Justice is served. No lives lost. Good Guys win. Yesssssss.....
JEERS to the intrinsic nature of Republicans in the era of yon Tea Party. And now a Special Comment for GOP teabagger candidates, who are so extreme, unstable and undisciplined that they all seem to be hiding under some very big rocks:
Bwok bwok bwooook!!! Cowards cut and run---heroes never do!!! Olly Olly Oxenfree!!! Did I say 'Bwok bwok bwooook' yet?
Good night and good luck.
CHEERS to the conspiracy theory of the day. Sun Chips made their packaging really, really loud so they could cash in on all the free publicity they knew they'd get when they went back to the quieter packaging. That's right---they knew there'd be a media freak-out and we'd all start talking about the deliciousness of their whole-grain, two-grams-of-fiber-per-serving, low-salt, 30-percent-less-fat-than-potato-chips, zero-trans-fat goodness now available in Harvest Cheddar, Garden Salsa, French Onion and Peppercorn Ranch flavors that will make your taste buds do a HAPPY DANCE AND GO TO THEIR WEB SITE NOW AND LICK YOUR SCREEN!!! Nice try, "Frito-Lame." It almost worked.
Five years ago in C&J: October 6, 2005
JEERS to Bill O'Reilly. For saying that the 82nd Airborne perpetrated the Malmedy Massacre during World War II:
Wesley Clark: And let me explain something. You go all the way up the chain of command --
O'Reilly: General! You need to look at the Malmedy massacre in World War Two, and the 82nd Airborne who did it!
My high school English teacher, Mr. Bowers, survived that massacre...which was committed by the Germans. An honest mistake? Probably. Is Bill O'Reilly an ass, anyway? Definitely.
P.S.: If you missed O'Reilly's towel-snap at the blogosphere last night, his fair and balanced conclusion sounded like the last throes of a villain in a Steven Seagal movie: "I don't hate the blogs. I looooooooath them." Fade to black. Roll credits.
And just one more...
CHEERS to letters from the mailbag. Sent via the Meatball Express:
Dear Christine O'Donnell,
Hi! How are you? I am fine!
I saw your latest campaign TV ad and I have a question. You say in the ad that---quoting here---"I am not a witch. I'm ."
I think it's that you're me. Really. I'm honored. But I'm a practicing witch. So my question is: are you still me?
A Concerned Voter
That oughtta keep the gears in her head locked up for awhile. America: You're welcome.
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"We screwed up when we were in Cheers and Jeers. We fell in love with Bill in Portland Maine."
---Rep. Eric Cantor