Republican lawmakers in Wisconsin, emboldened with the sudden realization that a quorum is not necessary to vote on any legislation not requiring public expenditure, capped off what leadership described as, “the most nostalgic night in memory” by voting to reinstitute slavery above the Mason-Dixon Line for the first time since 1863.
The new law, which restricts slave labor to “non-elected public employees, prison inmates, women, minorities, and undocumented aliens,” is scheduled to go into effect on April 1st. Gov. Scott Walker, fearing many private citizens as well as public employees may attempt to flee the state, has reportedly also ordered state Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen to consult with US Attorney General Eric Holder regarding the current legal status of the Fugitive Slave Act, which ironically was nullified by the state of Wisconsin (the first state to do so) in 1854.
Asked by reporters how he felt about this legislation being viewed as a move backwards –at least from an historical perspective –Walker commented, “As a state, and as a nation, we have progressed by leaps and bounds over the last century-and-a-half. As a society, I believe the American people have reached a certain level of maturity — a level of maturity which not only understands that one must embrace unmistakable lessons from history, but also that desperate times call for desperate measures– that in troubled economic times, nothing stimulates or helps to rebuild an economy better or faster than slave labor.”
In Washington, House Majority Leader John Boehner expressed his support for his Wisconsin colleagues, describing them as, “… visionary and innovative political thinkers who have employed historical wisdom in the service of the citizens of their state. Now that they have broken the barriers that have for far too long held back the sort of free-market job creation that our beloved country so desperately needs, I firmly believe the rest of the country, learning from their example, will pass similar laws leading not only to greatly reduced levels of unemployment, but historical levels of private sector prosperity unseen since the mid-1850s. My colleagues and I here in Washington will do all we can to enact legislation at the federal level that we expect will enable our country to return to its most glorious days of a long bygone era — a time when ‘master’ was not considered a dirty word.”
The House Majority Leader, Virginia’s Eric Cantor, compared the Wisconsin State Senate Republicans to the oppressed masses currently staging uprisings throughout the Middle East when he told reporters, “The tide is turning. The will of the people shall be heard. The American people spoke loud and clear last November. The revolution has come, and it will not be stopped until the true natural order of our country has been restored.” He then paid tribute to the leadership — as well as the complexion — of Speaker Boehner by raising his right fist in the air and yelling, “Long live the Orange Revolution!”