Let's take a break from talking about the clear and present dangers posed to America by radical Christian terrorism to note once again that Fox & Friends is the lead paint of news.
"Fox and Friends" co-host Steve Doocy came to Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump’s defense on the show Monday, saying he “actually” remembers hearing about Muslim Americans cheering the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks.
There is a reason that you never hear anyone bragging that their claims have been backed up by the steel trap of a mind that is Fox & Friends host Steve Doocy. I'll leave it to you to discern what that reason might be.
Doocy went on: “I also remember there was video on television. I don’t know if that was from that town or New Jersey. Nonetheless, Donald Trump says there are a lot of people out there who verified the idea of his story.”
Nobody has been able to come up with any of this mythical video, despite us having Many Technologies for doing that sort of thing. The best we can get is that Donald Trump says he saw a thing ... and Donald Trump subsequently says unidentified folks have told him on the internets that they remember that too. I would sincerely hope we are not planning on bombing northern New Jersey based on this level of evidence.
But the title of this never-ending series is Fox & Friends is the lead paint of news, and Fox host Steve Doocy vouching for Some Guy and Some Guy's Internet Friends is not quite lead-painty enough; the texture is there, but the smell is lacking. For that let's go to fellow Fox host Bret Baier, valiantly attempting his own bit of banter off Steve Doocy's backing up of Some Guy and Some Guy's Internet Friends. Bring us home, Bret. Bring us that Fox & Friends lead paint smell that we all know so well.
Bret Baier, another Fox News host, broke in to temper Doocy’s whole-hearted agreement with Trump’s remarks.
“The original statement is thousands and thousands of people in Jersey City celebrating. If you're just going to get technical, that's – I don't know if that has been backed up. Yes, people were celebrating, in some number,” he said.
I don't know if that has been backed up is Fox pundit-speak for that has not even remotely been backed up, because if Fox News had videotape of thousands of American Muslims celebrating the 9/11 attacks it would have been playing on Fox News on a continual, unbroken loop from September 12, 2001 until This Very Moment. This is the network that spends weeks portraying video of a black guy standing outside a polling center as proof of the Angry Black Guy Menace. Rupert Murdoch would sell his own organs for a tape of Muslim Americans celebrating 9/11, and not just the extra ones.
No, what brings us to that glorious Fox & Friends point of magnificent, incandescent stupidity is that single, news-transcending phrase: if you're going to get technical. Donald Trump said thousands of New Jersey Muslims were celebrating; if you're going to get technical, we may have to revise that down to unconfirmed reports of maybe three or five people or so. But that is the sort of if you're going to get technical that only people who do not watch Fox News would be pedantic enough to worry about.
As long as you are not going to get technical, after all, Fox News could report that Republicans have won 10 billion seats in Congress, and that Obamacare has been repealed by a veto-proof vote of 10 billion to 12. As long as nobody gets technical, we can now report that the villainous ACORN were in fact all moon-men who landed here in order to mess personally with John McCain's attempts to become president. A vast, wide world of new facts awaits you so long as you do not get technical about whether any of them are shit-all true.
And so we come to the end of another edition of Fox & Friends is the lead paint of news, and come to the dawning of a new Fox News network slogan. Fox News: Let's Not Get Technical Here.