This is your regular reminder that many of us, here in These United States, are represented in Congress by actual freaking insane people. This is not normal.
[Alaskan Rep. Don Young] told WFQD on Wednesday that he initially supported Jeb Bush because he knew his “old man” and now prefers John Kasich. But, Young says, Kasich has no chance of winning because he has no “charisma” and people “don’t think anymore.”
Fair enough. Old white guy comforted by memories of old white guy, prefers old white guy as president but the young kids today with their rap music and gargantuan student loans are just too dumb to see the inherent greatness of old white charisma vacuums. And then Don Young hops merrily off the rails.
Still, Young is seeking to rally Republicans around whoever is the nominee, calling this “the most crucial election” for Alaska and the nation. Why? Because Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton will seek to have the government “control everything you do.”
Everything? Yes, everything. Young goes on to earnestly explain that Sanders or Clinton would mandate “when to get up, what to eat, what you are thinking, what school you are going to go to and what you are going to believe.”
Oh, yes. They can set your clock radio from the White House, you know. There's little chips in all of 'em these days. And if they tell you to eat broccoli by God you will eat that broccoli. If you don't they'll set your clock radio to go off an hour earlier each day, messing with your sleep cycles. That's how they get control of you. They mess with your sleep cycles, make you all groggy and unable to think clearly. Then BAM! They come at you with the broccoli, or with an application to Dartmouth when you didn't even want to go there. "Obama" has "BAM" right in his name, that's how you know. Wake. Up.
To recap, Rep. Don Young is a Republican. In Congress. People voted for him and everything, apparently. His office can be reached by regular congressional telephone lines or, if all lines are busy, via the fillings in his teeth.