There’s an old science fiction story about a supercomputer whose world-dominating plot is finally thwarted by giving it an unsolvable problem. Caught in an endless loop, it devotes more and more resources to this inscrutable task, leaving the people free to do as they please.
As it turns out, the Republicans have their own personal version of squaring the circle, and the formula for this knotty problem is extremely simple.
Asked which of Mr. Trump’s policy statements he preferred over Mrs. Clinton’s, Senator Dan Coats, Republican of Indiana, paused for 11 seconds before saying, “I don’t know that I want to deal with that.”
Wheh! Thank goodness Coats’ programming included an exit to that loop, or he’d be stuck in blank-eyed silence forever.
The question that threatens the brains of Republicans everywhere: Can you name any policy of Donald Trump’s that is better than the policy offered by Hillary Clinton? This is actually a trick question. For Trump to have a better policy, Trump would first have to have a policy, rather than a random assortment of screams, shouts, and facial contortions. Republicans are actually being asked to compare a distinct list of detailed policies against a null set.
Against such a tricky question, even the “I will always support the Republican nominee” subroutine hardwired into Republican brains has a hard time coping.
Is the policy question even harder for Republicans to resolve than the Trump is a racist, misogynistic blowhard so why are you still supporting him for president of the United States question?
Please. Republicans have been working with that code for decades.
Broken News Update: Trump virus continues to spread
Republicans asked to respond to Trump continue to be corrupted by the conundrum.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), who weathered an ugly presidential primary campaign against Trump, stared blankly at reporters, as elevator doors slowly closed, when someone asked if he’ll ever endorse Trump.
Of course, Cruz wasn’t running the most robust program in the first place.
Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Kansas) stood quietly for several seconds when asked what he makes of Trump’s comments.
“Unfortunate,” Roberts finally said.
Asked if he was offended, the Kansas senator put his fingers to his lips and gestured that he was buttoning them shut, and shuffled away.
As the Trump virus spreads, more and more Republican legislators are finding themselves locked down, unable to access their catchphrase-generating-fallback routines. Though some were fighting to tear themselves free from the recursive curse of Trump.
“You know what I care about? Really? I care about our country,” Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) said slowly and with noticeably bloodshot eyes.
Don’t close those tired eyes, Bob. They get you when you sleep.