Let’s talk about sex, folks—seriously. Let’s talk, again, about what constitutes consensual sex and what does not. This seems like something obvious that we should all know but it’s becoming increasingly clear that many of us do not. And because the Bill Cosby trial has brought this topic to the forefront of our attention, let’s take this moment to get conscious once and for all.
Consensual sex is when both parties willingly choose to participate. Consent should be clear and openly communicated. A person has the right to withdraw their consent to sexual activity at any time, despite what religion or some states may want to tell you. This last part is particularly important. North Carolina, for example, doesn’t believe that this is true. Right now, they have an antiquated and abusive law on the books that says that women cannot change their mind during sex even if things become violent.
According to a 1979 state Supreme Court ruling, State v. Way, a man isn’t guilty of rape if he continues to have intercourse with a woman who asks him to stop, so long as she agreed to the encounter at the outset.
North Carolina is the only state with such a law on the books, and efforts to change it have been unsuccessful, even as women have spoken out about how the law has harmed them.
So we are all clear, this is a law that says that rape is perfectly legal. With archaic and vile laws like this in existence, it’s no wonder that Republican lawmakers would be so uninformed about sexual assault as to say incredibly asinine things like “legitimate rape.” Numerous women have come forward to press the state to change the law. They have described situations where they initially consented but changed their minds. One incident was taped. And while the tape confirmed the woman’s story, the police still did not charge her attacker. This law does not allow women to have any autonomy over their own bodies. It is downright frightening and a sobering reminder of how patriarchy and misogyny are incredibly real and powerful. So much so that in North Carolina, a woman not only doesn’t have the right to say yes (because that’s what consent really means), she also doesn’t have the right to say no.
Democratic state Sen. Jeff Jackson has recently sponsored a bill to change the law, after hearing from women who were affected. SB 553 would make it illegal to have sex with someone who initially agreed but then changed her mind, but the bill is currently stuck in committee and will likely be dead for the rest of the session, Jackson told the Fayetteville Observer. “North Carolina is the only state…where no doesn’t mean no,” he said. “There’s no reason for this to be partisan.”
This keeps getting compared to The Handmaid’s Tale. But remember, that story isn’t really fiction. Women around the world have been used and abused for centuries, their bodies not really being fully theirs. Black women gave the ultimate sacrifice when their bodies and wombs were used, without their consent, to give birth to the labor that was used to build this country—for free. None of this is new or surprising. The question is: what are we going to do about it now?