Hispanic Federation Fund for Puerto Rico Relief Link
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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
Oh! More Things I Know...
» Remember when Republicans felt they needed to air a virtual conveyer belt of different responses to President Obama’s State of the Union speeches? Democrats still only need one.
» Oprah should deliver our response to the State of the Union. It’ll be a good trial run and, more important, destroy Trump in the ratings.
» Every congressional committee that writes laws should include a randomly-chosen panel of ordinary citizens. A law can only be voted out of committee when this panel can accurately explain it so their friends can understand it in a bar at closing time on a Saturday night.
» As of today, the Netroots Nation convention in New Orleans is only 29 weeks away.
» Sometimes I wake up from a dream and then go back to it in disguise so I can find out what they’re saying about me behind my back.
» Maine Governor Paul LePage told a student to quit whining about how rescinding net neutrality may make online learning harder, writing: “pick up a book and read.” It goes without saying that he doesn’t publish his psychological evaluations.
» Yesterday my TV said, "Want justice? Call Judge Judy." So I called the number on the screen and said I wanted to prosecute the president for emoluments abuses. They’re thinking about it.
» If you insist on straddling both lanes, please remove the "COEXIST" sticker from your bumper.
» You know the real reason why there's only one pair of footprints in the sand now? Jesus got a jetpack from Dad for his birthday.
» To the local weather guy reporting from outside the studio: we know what ice is. You don't have to keep holding it up to the camera and saying, "This is ice! This is ice!" Trust us. We know.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, January 18, 2018
Note: The Department of Tyranny Resistance reminds you that it’s time to change the batteries in your bullshit detector. Be sure to test its functionality by saying "Donald Trump will drain the swamp" until it screeches. Thank you and have a fact-filled day. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the blue supermoon lunar eclipse: 13
Days 'til the Downtown Winter Ice Festival way the hell up in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan: 8
Number of state AGs who are suing the FCC to reverse its reversal on net neutrality: 22
Percent chance that another secession effort has begun by “New California”: 100%
Number of health code violations the Mar-A-Lago kitchen recently got cited for: 15
Number of rooms inside the White House, including 35 bathrooms: 132
Gallons of paint it takes to paint the exterior of the White House: 570
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I can almost hear the condescending cynics: “You don’t really think you can get the money out of politics, do you?” I guarantee you can do it for several cycles—and do you know what happens when it starts to creep back in again? You reform again!
Perpetual reform, a truly great concept. No human institution is ever going to remain perfect, they have to be watched and adjusted like any other mechanism. Why use that as a defeatist excuse for doing nothing at all?
What matters here is not what the Republicans or the Democrats do---it’s what you do before November. Sit up, join up, stir it up, get online, get in touch, find out who’s raising hell and join them. No use waiting on a bunch of wussy politicians.
---January 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Family portrait…
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CHEERS to pussyhats and shoe leather. So far the number of weekend women’s marches is up to 250 globally, with most of them here in the U.S. of A. HuffPo has a good breakdown of what’s going on and where. If you’re seeing a disparity in dates, that’s because the main march (in Las Vegas) is Sunday the 21st, and all of the “sister marches” are Saturday the 20th. But it won’t stop there:
Following the anniversary events, the founders of the Women’s March will start a national tour of 10 swing states to motivate citizens into political action. They’ll partner with local progressive groups in each place to host town halls, candidate trainings, rallies and voter registration events ahead of the next wave of elections.
The march now has state coordinators across 35 states, as well as 5,500 local groups called “huddles” across all 50 states with the goal of keeping the momentum of resistance going year-round.
“The whole point of the women’s march is for women to take agency over their own lives,” Bland said. “We are the leaders we’ve been waiting for. Now’s the time to step up.”
Here’s an official searchable database to find a march near you. I don’t know what I’m looking forward to most: the crowd sizes, the speeches, or the creative way people use “shithole” on their signs.
CHEERS to rational exuberance. 112 days after hurricane Maria knocked out power to the Academia Bautistade Puerto Nuevo in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and 112 days after the Trump administration’s emergency managers failed to restore it, the juice was finally turned back on thanks to a giant generator wheel and a thousand volunteer gerbils. Here’s the jubilant moment when the students and faculty saw the light:
Today the students are all in detention for running around without a hall pass. Hey…rules is rules.
CHEERS to hoisting a twenty-pound wheel of cheese and hurling it at your opponent, flattening him and leaving giant-wheel-of-cheese marks on his backside. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that’s essentially what happened Tuesday in Wisconsin. See? The cheese reference makes total sense now, doesn’t it? It’s Wisconsin! Here’s a “slice” of the story with some minor editing:
A Democrat [who loves cheese!] has been elected to represent a traditionally conservative [and cheese-loving] Wisconsin senate district where voters overwhelmingly supported [and sent yummy cheese samplers conveniently ordered online to] President Donald Trump in 2016, in an upset that Democrats suggest could lead to more Republican losses [the pain of which can be ameliorated with cheese] in the state.
Patty Schachtner's [super-gouda] victory in the 10th Senate District late Tuesday could be a sign of hope [and more cheese!] for Democrats, who have been pushed to the brink of irrelevancy after seven years of Republican control of both legislative houses and the governor's office. [But not cheese---it’s a bipartisan treat!] …
Schachtner's victory doesn't change the balance of power [or the yumminess of cheese with all your favorite foods!] in the state Senate. Republicans will go into the fall campaign season with an 18-14 majority and one vacancy. But Schachtner said the victory "certainly could be" a bad sign for Republicans elsewhere in the state this year. [Especially if they run out of cheese!]
This item has been brought to you by the Wisconsin Cheese Board. Smite your enemies with real Wisconsin cheese today!
JEERS to selective bellowing. Wow! Did you see that amazing speech on the floor of the U.S. Senate yesterday by Arizona Republican Jeff Flake? Golly, Beav, it sure was a swell rebuke of the way President Trump beats up on the First Amendment guarantee of a free press. Why, he even compared it to Josef Stalin’s tactics! Gee, Senator Flake, I’m sure you know that only one more vote is needed for your chamber to approve overturning the FCC’s terrible decision to allow ISPs to slow down or even restrict access to news sites on the internet. Tell us, sir, how excited are you to know that you can be the deciding vote that would really show President Trump you’re serious about freedom of the press? Go ahead, sir, show us how you’re just itchin’ to put actions behind your words…
Well….erm… Nobody panic. I’m sure he’s just taking a potty break.
CHEERS to today’s edition of Yeah, We KNOW! Headline from the nerds at Space.com:
Earth Resides in Oddball Solar System
This has been today’s edition of Yeah, We KNOW!
CHEERS to Synonym Fever! Happy 232nd Birthday to Peter Roget, who published the first Thesaurus in 1852 (a decades-long endeavor undertaken in part to help him deal with his depression). Curious if there was a synonym for thesaurus, I went to---where else?---Thesaurus.com to find out. Their list is BOGUS, and let me tell you why:
A thesaurus is a glossary, but a glossary isn’t necessarily a thesaurus.
A thesaurus is a language reference book,but a language reference book isn’t necessarily a thesaurus.
A thesaurus is a storehouse of words and a treasury of words and even a word list, but neither a storehouse of words nor a treasury of words nor a word list is necessarily a thesaurus.
A thesaurus is an onomasticon, but an onomasticon is not necessarily a thesaurus.
Now you know why the one thing my parents made sure to never run out of was earplugs.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 18, 2008
CHEERS to perv protection. MySpace says it's taking steps to protect kids from online child predators. It's pretty ingenious, really. Before they'll accept your online registration, you have to click a button that says either "YES---I am a child predator" or "NO---I am not a child predator." Technology rocks. [1/18/18 Update: MySpace is...what, again?]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Nostrabillydamus. You know I like to hold myself accountable for the stuff I write, especially when it comes to looking forward to, in the immortal words of Ed Wood, “future events such as these that will affect you in the future.” Five years ago today in C&J, as we were congratulating Obama on his impending second inauguration (the “Seneca Falls, Selma, and Stonewall” one), we wrote the following and sealed it in a mayonnaise jar:
Here are a few of my predictions for term two, on which I'm staking my meager fortune and tarnished honor:
Immigration reform passes, diluted but still effective gun-death-control legislation passes, a conservative Supreme Court Justice dies in office and a liberal Justice retires, the embargo on Cuba is lifted, climate change is ignored despite a minimum of ten catastrophic weather events, DOMA disappears, world calamities are pesky but mostly manageable, he leaves office in 2017 with 57 percent approval, and doesn’t return any of my calls.
[Seals predictions in mayonnaise jar]
As always, if I'm wrong I'll buy you a Coke.
Let’s see how we did: wrong, wrong, right/wrong, wrong, wrong, right, right, wrong-and-right (he left office with 59% approval, according to Gallup, but that’s within the margin of error), right. So the good news is, six wrongs minus five rights means I owe you exactly one Coke. The bad news: I’m serving it to you in a five-year-old mayonnaise jar.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
New Cheers and Jeers declares 'independence' from Cheers and Jeers in bid to become 2nd kiddie pool
---USA Today
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