Hello, 25th Amendment? As it turns out, there really is a crisis.
Anyone who didn’t believe there is a national emergency is clearly wrong. Because Donald Trump is a national emergency, and he demonstrated it forcefully on the White House steps Friday morning in an emergency announcement buried deep in taco salad of nuttiness.
Trump stumbled out of the White House, apparently breathless and confused, and opened by fumbling around about trade negotiations in China, but had nothing really to report on those other than “who knows” if anything would actually be done. Then he wandered around the world, talking about the UK, Syria, North Korea … anything but getting to the point. And then, without any transition, he began talking about the border, then the economy, then the stock market, then the border again. Then he smiled and chuckled over the joys of his El Paso rally, then he zigged to Israel, then he genuinely fell into his fantasy of women, “three, four women,” being tied up in the back of a van with tape over their mouths. Yes, Trump’s emergency declaration included his women-with-tape-on-their-mouths fantasy, and Trump insisted that “Nancy knows, and Chuck knows” that these women won’t be coming through ports of entry.
Finally, in words that will surely ring through history, Trump declared, “So, I’m going to be signing a national emergency, it’s been signed many times before,” before going on to claim that it was no big deal, and nothing to make a fuss about. To support his overthrow of congressional authority, Trump gathered up a clutch of “angel moms” and forced them to stand up and fumble out pictures of their children. From there, he actually began bragging about how much better China is than the United States because they have a death penalty for people who sell drugs.
That thought of China apparently dragged Trump back into a few minutes of talking about the China trade deal, and then … bam, back to the national emergency again. “Something signed many times, many, many times, by other presidents.” In fishing around for some kind of legitimacy, Trump then talked about how he might piggyback on an existing emergency order around drug cartels.
Then he went back to bragging on the economy, and claimed that if a Democrat had been in office, the economy would have been “down the tubes” instead of “through the roof,” saying that it’s because he’s created such a great economy that “far more people” are trying to enter the country today “than ever before.” Which is … a huge lie.
Campaign Action
Then Trump sank into a sing-song cadence as he talked about how he would be sued over this, and lose, and lose some more, and maybe more. ”And then we will be sued, and they will sue us in the Ninth Circuit, even though it shouldn’t be there ...” But ultimately Trump hoped that it would go to the Supreme Court, where Justice I Like Beer could save the day.
In Q & A, reporters asked him how he could defend taking the money from military programs. Trump started off saying that people tried to explain the details to him, but that “It didn’t sound too important to me.” Then he went into an extensive brag about how much he’s given the military, so how could they miss a few billion? He’s given the military so much that it won’t hurt them.
Asked about violating the Constitution, Trump claimed that “Not too many people have said that, courts will determine that, I expect to get sued … I shouldn’t be sued … We will be very successful in court.”
Pointing out that he criticized Obama for using executive power, the next reporter suggested Trump hadn’t been able to make a deal, which clearly left Trump offended. “I went through Congress! I made a deal! I got $1.4 billion when I wasn’t supposed to get anything, not one dollar! But I’m not happy with it. On everything else I got so much money I don’t know what to do with it.” Then, in a statement a little too true: “The only reason why we're up here talking about this is because of the election.”
Trump was then back on the China trade deal. “I happen to like tariffs ... We’re taking in billions and billions … Our steel industry is so vibrant now again, they’re building plants all over the country.” Which isn’t true … but just assume that about everything said.
Then on to complaining that Democrats don’t appreciate his trade deals. Then implying Paul Ryan didn’t push building the wall fast enough. Then claiming that “chain migration” lets people bring in “23 or 35” people. Then talking about “when the country put people into the lottery,” saying “if I ran a country” he wouldn’t put “bad people” into the lottery. And then on to his friends in punditry. “Sean Hannity has been a terrific, terrific supporter of what I stand for. Rush Limbaugh … he can speak for three hours without taking calls, I think that’s fantastic. … You try that, speaking for three hours without taking a call. With taking calls, it’s easy ...” And so on. He also had a nod for “Anne Coulter, I like her,” and name dropped Laura Ingraham and Tucker Carlson before bragging that his Rasmussen poll numbers were at their peak.
Asked about why what he was saying was so different from the facts put out by his own government agencies, Trump simply denied the facts. “Because you’re CNN, you’re fake news! Your numbers are wrong.” He insisted that reporters should look at how many inmates in federal prison are undocumented immigrants. Asked again by the next reporter, he simply cut off the questioner, claiming that his numbers came from Homeland Security, “from Kirstjen.”
Then Trump complained Obama never deserved the Nobel Peace Prize, but he did, because he read something in the paper about something in Syria and put out a statement saying “You better not do it” and saved a lot of people. Really. And then he claimed that Japan supports him tofor the Nobel Prize and … good-bye, everyone! We’re off to play golf.
Happy National Emergency!