From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
“The best idea we ever had...”
Happy National Park Week! Yellowstone was #1 in 1872 (Thank you, U.S. Grant), and we've been adding 'em ever since. (Although under the current administration that seems to be coming to a temporary screeching halt.) Among other things, entry is free at all our N.P.s now through Sunday. Consider this today’s moment of zen:
"The establishment of the National Park Service is justified by considerations of good administration, of the value of natural beauty as a National asset, and of the effectiveness of outdoor life and recreation in the production of good citizenship."
— Theodore Roosevelt —
"The parks do not belong to one state or to one section. The Yosemite, the Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon are national properties in which every citizen has a vested interest; they belong as much to the man of Massachusetts, of Michigan, of Florida, as they do to the people of California, of Wyoming, and of Arizona."
— Stephen Mather, NPS director 1917-1929 —
“I still remember traveling up to Yellowstone National Park [as an 11-year-old], coming over a hill, and suddenly seeing just hundreds of deer and bison for the very first time. That new scenery gave me a sense of just how immense, how diverse, and how important the vast array of wildlife is to understanding and appreciating the world and our place in it. That’s something I wanted my daughters to understand when I brought them back to the very same spot at Yellowstone a few years ago. It’s something I want to preserve for our kids, grandkids, and generations to come."
— President Barack Obama —
Oh, and I should mention that this is also Flip Worst Interior Secretary Ever Ryan Zinke the Bird Week. Then again, it is every week. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 24, 2019
Note: What do we want? Regularity! When do we want it? Hold that thought I’ll be right back!
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By the Numbers:
Months 'til the start of the Memorial Day weekend: 1
Days 'til the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds: 10
Number of Stop 'n Shop employees who are back on the job after winning their fight over wages and benefits with management and ending their ten-day strike: 31,000
Percent of Americans in a Gallup poll who want more emphasis placed on solar energy in the U.S.: 80%
Number of times White House lawyer Don McGahn and Trump's former personal lawyer Michael Cohen, respectively, are mentioned in the Mueller Report: 157 / 136
Percent by which same-sex couples are less likely to get approved for a mortgage loan, according to a new Iowa State University study: 73%
Number of bees living in hives atop Notre Dame cathedral that survived last week's fire: 200,000
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 179 (including 3 volcanoes and 1 "Blood of Jesus!" magic trick). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Meanwhile, in Hong Kong…
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CHEERS to the impeachment rodeo. Yee-haw!!! The Democratic 2020 candidates are on it like glue! Let's check in and see how a representative sample of the Trump-bustin' buckaroos are faring in the wake of the Mueller Report, which conclusively proved that Trump tried at east the times to obstruct an investigation into Russia's declared cyber war on the United States:
Elizabeth Warren: This cowgirl says impeach the motherf*cker!
Julian Castro: This cowboy says impeach the motherf*cker!
Bernie Sanders: Speaking as the candidate dedicated to taking on and defeating the Donald Trumps of the world, I can definitely say:Um…erm…um….next question!
Pete Buttigieg: This whippersnapper says impeach the motherf*cker!
Amy Klobuchar: Speaking as the candidate who was so tough and unflappable that I stood out in a blizzard while announcing my candidacy, I can say unequivocally: Um…erm…um…next question?
Joe Biden: Don’t look at me, I'm not quiiiite in the race yet.
Kamala Harris: This ropin' rider says impeach the motherf*cker!
Tulsi Gabbard: Does anyone else find President Basharal-Assad dreamy? [Faints]
Cory Booker: No impeachment until I'm assured that there are no kittens in need of being rescued from trees.
Eric Swalwell: We need the un-redacted report and the underlying evidence and Bob Mueller in a committee hearing and pumpkin spice waffles year-round not just in the fall!
And Seth Moulton? I don’t really care what he says as long as he just keeps standin' there lookin' fine in them assless chaps.
JEERS to government in action inaction. The IRS had until 5 p.m. yesterday to hand over six years worth of Trump’s tax returns. This is his second deadline, and I know he wouldn’t dare blow them off a second time. So let's take a look at what the IRS turned over to House Ways and Means chairman Richard Neal:
Holy McNuggets roasting on an open fire, Batman! I think we've been had! This calls for a third deadline. But this time it'll be on a piece of paper with signatures on it and he better do it this time or else. (Yes. I mean or else we unleash the radioactive mutant gerbils. And this time it’s personal.)
CHEERS to Great Moments in on-air oopsies. Ten years ago this week, news broke that the Bush-Cheney administration tortured people willy-nilly as a way to gin up evidence that Saddam Hussein was linked to al Qaeda and the attacks of 9/11. While Republicans tried their best to justify the damning revelations by suggesting that torturing detainees was necessary to obtain critical information, Fox News's Shep Smith coined a memorable catchphrase on April 24, 2009 that deserves to be resurrected in light of the fact that the current president thinks we should bring back those torture tactics…"and a helluva lot worse." Caution: NSFW...
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I love his little "Oops" a few seconds after dropping the F-bomb. Yup---revealing the truth on Fox News is the biggest mistake you can make. (I hear he lost break room privileges for a week.)
CHEERS to the miracle workers the boss can't live without. Today is Administrative Professionals Day. It's been around, by different names, for a long time. You might say it's evolved…
The first National Secretaries Week was organized in 1952 in conjunction with the United States Department of Commerce and various office supply and equipment manufacturers. The Wednesday of that week became known as National Secretaries Day.
As the organization gained international recognition, the events became known as Professional Secretaries Week and Professional Secretaries Day. In 2000, IAAP announced that names of the week and the day were changed to Administrative Professionals Week and Administrative Professionals Day to keep pace with changing job titles and expanding responsibilities of the modern administrative workforce.
Here at C&J, we have two administrative professionals on staff, and we couldn’t maintain our empire without them. Later this morning we'll show our appreciation by presenting them with a fresh Purina Busy Bone and Little Friskies catnip toy. Right after they fetch the Penske file.
CHEERS to easy layups. Today is also “National Pig in a Blanket Day.” Or, as it's also known: “Tucker Carlson’s Nappy Time.”
CHEERS to the new kid on the block. Hey,I just found out we have another entry in the 2020 primary. I wasn't expecting this one. Let's check out his vitals:
Volodymyr Zelensky
Age on inauguration day 2021: 42
Primary campaign theme: “Clean up the corruption"
Education: Kyiv National Economic University
Official website: ze2019.com
Strengths: Supports joining the European Union and NATO; promises to clean up corruption, including stripping the president, judges, and parliament members of immunity; supports abortion rights and free distribution of medical marijuana; vows to keep guns out of the hands of citizens; views Vladimir Putin as "an enemy."
Weaknesses: Links to a Ukrainian oligarch; political experience limited to satire and parody as a professional comedian and comic actor.
Baby-kissing ability, based on reviews at Toddler Yelp: 9.1/10
He joins Kamala, Cory, Tim, Wayne, Elizabeth, Beto, Bernie, Tulsi, Julian, John,Andrew, Kirsten, Eric, Seth, Jay, Pete, Marianne, Amy, and John #2 in their quest to be the next president of the… Wait a minute, wait a minute. [Presses earpiece against ear] Apparently I got bad information. I'm being told this guy was actually a candidate to be the president of Ukraine in 2019. These days I just assume anyone running for anything is a Democrat running for president. By the way, Zelensky won with 73 percent of the vote. That sounds like a nice number to shoot for on November 3, 2020, Dems.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 24, 2009
CHEERS to caging the vultures. Today President Obama meets with several credit card company executives to shake their hands, flash his million-dollar grin, and say, "You wanna quit gouging consumers voluntarily, or shall we make you?" Quick word of advice for any White House officials who intend to be in close proximity to the bankers: keep one hand on your wallet at all times.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a big eye in the sky. 29 years ago today, the Hubble space telescope was placed into orbit by the crew of the Space Shuttle Discovery. And instead of birthday cake and ice cream, the nerds at NASA have served something a little more tasty (hat tip to AKALib): a fresh image of the Crab Nebula...
When the early Hubble photos were revealed to we Earthlings, Democrats saw the wonder of an evolving universe and the hope of discovering intelligent life one day and harnessing our collective strengths for the good of the cosmos. Republicans saw potential fracking fields and the hope of discovering millions of new suckers on which to foist reverse-mortgages and unscrupulous payday lenders. Eh. Potato, Puhtahto, right?
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
While the modern Cheers and Jeers is a tightly organized post, the early tradition was a much more informal affair. There were no permits, tickets or security to speak of. Newspapers would write of the hordes of unsupervised Kossacks that spontaneously converged on the kiddie pool, “racing, and tumbling and rolling, regardless alike of limbs and dress, or what nurses or mas’ said or thought.”
---Politico
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