From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Well, That's Three Years Down the 15-Flush Terlet
Hey, everybody, we did it. Unless Lord Dampnut decides to push the nuclear button before 12 noon today, we survived 75 percent of the Trump administration's “chaos and carnage” war on America.
That's certainly enough time for us to get a generous hint of what his legacy will look like. But even as an award-winning blogger with above-average analytical skills, I'm having a little difficulty putting my finger on how he'll be remembered. That's why I've assembled a blue-ribbon panel and tasked them with helping provide me with some clues. Let's see what they came up with:
"We have someone in the highest office of our land who…acts like a child."
—Rep. Pramila Jayapal
"The President has acted like he’s is in the 5th grade and to have someone who has that kind of character running the country, is an enormous problem at every level."
—Rep. Adam Schiff
"I agree with Adam Schiff that the President is acting like a fifth-grader. Although that insults fifth-graders. But clearly we do not have an adult in the White House."
—Sen. Mazie Hirono
“He behaves like a child. This is what we have in the White House now. I’m used to it. I’m not expecting a grownup any longer."
—Sen. Chris Murphy
"POTUS has become a potty-mouth."
—Speaker Nancy Pelosi
"All the composure of a four-year-old whose parents just told him they ate all his Halloween candy."
—Jimmy Kimmel
"[He reminds] me like when your child is in trouble and then you know they’re trying to get out of that trouble and then they get themselves in more trouble."
—Rep. Ilhan Omar
"He is as bewildered as a kindergartener at a seminar on string theory."
—George Will
Hmm. Not quite sensing a pattern yet. More study is needed. I’ll analyze it further over cookies and paste during this afternoon’s blankey time.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 20, 2020
Note: Local optimists club under fire this morning as pessimist is rushed to the hospital after being urged to turn frown upside down. Live report from Riverside Medical Center at 11.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til we get the white people’s caucus in Iowa over with: 14
Days 'til the Portland, Maine On Tap Craft Beer Festival: 5
Percent of Scotland's energy it expects to generate from wind in 2020: 100%
Grades Martin Luther King, Jr. was able to skip, allowing him to start attending Morehouse College at age 15: 9th, 12th
Number of times King was jailed while practicing non-violent dissent: 29
Number of times the oath of office was given outside of Washington, D.C. (Washington, Adams, Arthur, Coolidge, T. Roosevelt, LBJ): 6
Number of presidents who affirmed rather than swore their oath of office (Pierce and Hoover): 2
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Monday morning commute (federal workers excluded)…
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CHEERS to chaining a cinderblock around your ankle and throwing yourself off a pier. Senator Susan Collins of Maine has always been a calculating weirdo, clutching George W. Bush's ankles, then obstructing everything Obama did as he saved the country from financial ruin, all while carefully cultivating a "moderate" image by playing footsies with the LGBT community and women's groups. But her total embrace of Trump, and votes for conservative judges (like Justice I. Likebeer) who will trash our democracy for decades to come, have finally caught up with her. In mere months, she has gone from being the most popular senator in America to the least—yes, even more reviled than Mitch McConnell. And now the allies who once thought she was a friend are turning their backs on the two-faced politician who stuck a knife in theirs. Like Planned Parenthood of Maine:
It’s clear that Sen. Collins is not the leader she once was, particularly when it comes to reproductive health and rights. In this increasingly partisan environment, Sen. Collins is choosing to prioritize her party, her colleagues and judicial nominees whose primary qualification for lifetime appointments is allegiance to a political agenda.
She may feel that is now what’s best for Mainers. But that is not what’s best for Planned Parenthood patients or the thousands of Mainers in need of affordable, high-quality sexual and reproductive health care, including abortion.
In the past, we trusted Sen. Collins to stand up for Planned Parenthood patients and put their well-being ahead of partisanship and political games. We can no longer do so.
Collins is up for re-election in 2020. Somehow I get the feeling she won’t be in 2026.
CHEERS to rackin’ up some serious Fitbit numbers. The weather was a bit less than cooperative in a few spots around the country for the women’s marches over the weekend, but fine in most cities and towns (including Portland, Maine) that hosted them. Attendance was impressive from coast to coast, three years after 2017's mega-event that delivered a body blow to the newly-inaugurated Trump administration from which it never recovered. A few pics…
More pics here. You could tell the rallies were put on by liberals instead of conservatives. They were peaceful, diverse, and organized. The signs were spell-checked. The flags represented America instead of Nazi Germany or the Confederacy. They didn’t come dressed in black body armor with guns and shields. And not a tiki torch in sight.
JEERS to very fine people doing that very fine people thing very fine people do. In case we haven't said it yet, a very happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day to you and yorn. Down Virginia-way, supporters of the 2nd Commandment ("Thou shalt cling to thy assault rifles bitterly and clingingly") have thoughtfully chosen today to hold a rally at the Virginia state capitol—highlighted by disorganization, blindingly-white non-diversity, un-spellchecked signs, flags representing Nazi Germany and the Confederacy, and black body armor—to protest a totally unpopular new set of gun background check laws that are only supported by—[checks notes]—80 percent of the public. And it's rolling out exactly how you'd expect:
Three suspected neo-Nazis were arrested after allegedly discussing plans to show up to a pro-gun rally in Virginia [today] where they anticipated a race war might ensue, according to The New York Times.
The men were arrested Thursday morning following a long-running investigation by the FBI into a white supremacist organization, the Times reported. That group, called The Base, describes itself as an “international survivalist and self-defense network” preparing for a race war. […] Militia groups including The Oath Keepers have expressed their intention to join Monday’s rally.
We hope the marchers remember the rules: no guns on state capitol grounds, bring plenty of fresh water, have Mom sew your name and address into your mittens in case you get lost, and for God's sake remember to check Goebbelspedia before you leave the house so you won’t show up with your armband upside down.
CHEERS to small town celebrations. On January 20, 1981, 52 Americans held hostage in Iran for 444 days were finally freed. One of them, Bert Moore, lived in my hometown—Mt. Vernon, Ohio—and his son was in my class. As historians remind us, President James Earl Carter—NOT President Ronald Fucking Reagan—was responsible for negotiating the deal, flying to Germany to welcome the hostages as they landed. I love this pic:
Naturally, Donald Trump found time this month to inflame the memory of that awful period by threatening to bomb 52 cultural sites in Iran—one for each of the 52 hostage taken 40 years ago. Because that's just the way he rolls. Like a fresh turd down Mount Everest.
CHEERS to nimble fingers vs. fumble fingers. If you missed the NFL action yesterday, here's what happened: the Kansas City Chiefs of Missouri beat the Tennessee Titans of Tennessee 35-24, and the San Francisco 49ers of California defeated the Green Bay Packers of Wisconsin 37-20. But don’t feel bad for the losers—they’re going home with a fabulous runner-up prize package that includes a Samsonite luggage set and $100 gift certificate from the Spiegel Catalog.
So it'll be Patrick Mahomes vs. Jimmy Garoppolo on February 2 during Super Bowl VVIIIIIVVVVIIIIIVVIV. As usual, the winners of that competition will be the Budweiser Clydesdales and whoever's turn it is to have a halftime wardrobe malfunction.
CHEERS to good spellin’. On this date in 1955, three years after Macy's made it a household name in America, Scrabble made its debut in Australia and the UK. If what I read is correct, the highest scoring word if you hit all the right bonus squares is still "sesquioxidizing." Meanwhile my highest-scoring word while sober is still "cow.”
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 20, 2010
CHEERS to Scott Brown. Yeah, I said "Cheers." No matter what you think of him or his wingnut ideas or his centerfold, what this Mr. Nobody did last night—win a Democratic titan's Senate seat—is the equivalent of winning a game of Operation blindfolded. And talk about a dream job. For the next two and a half years, he can literally sleep through the remainder of Ted Kennedy's term, waking only to make the odd filibuster threat, cast a haughty "Nay", and run up and down the Senate-floor aisle yelling, "I LOVE my socialist government health insurance! I LOVE my socialist government health insurance!" Nice work if you can get it. Now what I wanna know is: How the HELL did he get it???
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And just one more…
Due to the Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday,
today's "Just One More" feature is closed.
If we catch you climbing over the
velvet rope, you are
so grounded,
bub.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
In Cheers and Jeers, Kiddie Pool Splashers Will Do Just What Bill in Portland Maine Does: Nothing in Particular
—Mediaite
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