Energize An Ally Tuesday
Are things getting better? No, they are not, and I only need two data points to reach this scientifically-validated conclusion: 1) Donald Trump is president and 2) President Donald Trump says things are getting better.
Current count: 1.6 million active cases and 92,000 deaths (the aforementioned goalpost-mover-in-chief says anything under 100,000 is a great victory, and also anything over 100,000 is a great victory, so take your pick.) Testing is nowhere near where it needs to be, a bunch of states are re-opening too fast, and unprotected MAGA yahoos are unhelpfully breathing all over everyone (though some are wising up and grudgingly issuing sorta-culpas after they get sick), and there still aren’t enough medical supplies.
Also: tens of millions of people are still out of work and struggling, and we've got a long way to go 'til things get better. That's why two additional organizations were recently added to the five hand-picked agencies officially supported by Daily Kos...
Continued...
And they are...
Farmworkers Pandemic Relief Fund
As COVID-19 spreads to our rural communities and pandemic impacts our food supply chain, many farmworkers, some of whom are undocumented and left out of the federal relief programs, are struggling make ends meet, while also protecting themselves and our food. All funds raised will go directly to farmworkers to help them purchase basic needs for their families, like groceries and hygienic supplies; pay for utilities and other expenses; and assistance to offset medical costs and to aid in purchasing medical supplies.
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The National Diaper Bank Network
Helps families fill their diaper needs. Before the coronavirus pandemic, 1 in 3 American families with young children reported that they were in need of diapers. There are no state or federal child safety-net programs that allocate dollars specifically for the purchase of diapers. The National Diaper Bank Network provides a resource to help alleviate this need.
These are in addition to the original five: One Fair Wage, Emergency Coronavirus Tipped and Service Worker Support Fund, the CDC Foundation, Feeding America, Meals on Wheels, and the National Domestic Works Alliance.
C&J is committed to continue shining the spotlight on these organizations who are the very definition of "essential." Since it's via ActBlue, you can make a donation to one group or mix and match, for which we, and they, thank you. Now more than ever our support is critical since it’s safe to predict more awfulness this week. (Because, again, you-know-who is in charge.) So if you have a few bucks to spare, any or all of these front-line relief organizations could really use the support. We shower your aura with many gratitudes.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 19, 2020
Note: Oh no. Jared just cracked a nail. Life is so unfair.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til National Wine Day: 6
Percent of Americans who believe God will protect them from the coronavirus, according to polling by University of Chicago Divinity School and The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research: 45%
Percent chance that Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is on Joe Biden's climate policy panel: 100%
Lines of attack against Joe Biden that were poll-tested by the RNC and failed to land with test audiences: 20
Minimum number of years China's economy grew before the virus stopped it: 40
Percent chance that "doing what feels good, what's convenient, is how little kids think," according to President Obama's televised commencement speech Saturday: 100%
Current zip code of Salem on Days of Our Lives: 06638
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Puppy Pic of the Day: A message we all need to hear…
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CHEERS to sayin' it loud and sayin' it plain. As the pandemic rages on, the popular-vote winner of the 2016 election has been watching the armed swarming of capital buildings in states that just *happen* to have Democratic governors, and she knows what she sees when she sees it:
As many people have said, they only care about your “life” when you’re a blastocyst. After that, all bets are off and you’re one side-eye away from becoming cannon fodder. Truly God’s people—if god was a psychopath overcompensating for a very small wee-wee.
JEERS to clods in cars. Speaking of protesters, a gaggle of unmasked mouth-breathers showed up at the state house in Augusta to drag their knuckles across the sidewalk and protest the unacceptable political affiliation of our governor Janet Mills. And guess who showed up? Her predecessor, Paul LePage, who turned Maine into the Alabama of New England for eight intolerable years. What a brave man to mingle so freely with the Covid-taunting protesters and their flying Covid spittle. Or…not:
Former Gov. Paul LePage, who recently returned to Maine from Florida, addressed a crowd of several hundred people in Augusta from inside a Lexus SC430 parked about 30 feet away. LePage remained in the car because he is self-quarantined, and his remarks were broadcast via cellphone.
True fact: in his previous life, Paul LePage was the lemming at the top of the cliff yelling, "Y'all go ahead and jump, I'll catch up later!"
CHEERS to staying out of the way. Over the weekend, Congressman Justin Amash of Michigan, a Republican-turned-independent who voted for Trump’s impeachment, announced that he's not launching a third-party bid for president:
Calling it a "difficult decision," Amash tweeted Saturday that he was ending his effort to be the potential nominee for the Libertarian Party.
"After much reflection, I've concluded that circumstances don't lend themselves to my success as a candidate for president this year, and therefore I will not be a candidate, " Amash said.
Also over the weekend, I announced that I released Justin Amash's dog unharmed.
P.S. One year ago this week, Amash became the first House (or Senate, for that matter) Republican to break free of the Trump tractor beam:
Duly noted.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to early arrivals. The 2020 hurricane season—the one thing that the coronavirus pandemic managers can't seem to figure out how to close down—launched a surprise attack by arriving two weeks early. Tropical storm Arthur formed over the weekend and will rough up North Carolina's Outer Banks a bit, but no actual ravaging is expected. Here's the year's first appearance in C&J of the Splotch of WoeTM:
We hear President Trump is furious with the early arrival. All his hurricane Sharpies are still in storage.
JEERS to the Boy Wonder's bubbleheaded blunder. On May 19, 1992, Vice President (and now proud passenger on the Trump krazy train, though in no official capacity) Dan Quayle cited Murphy Brown as a poor example of family values. Said Ken Tucker back then in Entertainment Weekly:
Dan Quayle's spleen venting about the way Murphy Brown subverts family values is only the most direct expression to date of a notion that has gained in intensity over the past decade—that TV has some sort of obligation to present only ''positive'' examples of family life, that any portrayal of something other than the happy nuclear clan is detrimental to our American way of life.
But TV isn't an arm of social policy or government propaganda; it has no more responsibility to be upbeat and positive than do, say, poetry or the theater. ...
Someone pour Quayle a glass of cold milk, please.
Isn't it nice to know that the Republican party has come so far in its thinking over the last 28 years? (You may commence smirking at will.)
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 19, 2010
JEERS to the bamboozler. Did you read about this jerk? Goes to Bowdoin college here in Maine, gets booted for "academic dishonesty," then weasels his way into Harvard and bilks 'em out of 45 thousand bucks. In fact, Adam Wheeler’s deception and greed were so pure and self-centered that, as soon as they got wind of him, Goldman Sachs and BP started a bidding war to bring him on board.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to art imitating life. If there's one government agency that's ripe for satire, it's Space Force. Lo and behold, the Netflix gods have made it happen, and with a dynamite cast that includes the late Fred Willard in his final role. Steve Carell is the hapless four-star general tasked with assembling the Buzz Lightyears of tomorrow, and let's just say he's going to have some challenges:
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Opens in ten days. Spoiler alert: Space Force turns out to be an uncoordinated, disjointed, money-wasting venture that drives its leaders crazy. Amazingly, that’s also what happens in the Netflix series.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“More than anything, Cheers and Jeers has fully, finally torn back the curtain on the idea that Bill in Portland Maine knows what he’s doing.”
—President Barack Obama
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