“Boo!”
Lou Dobbs, a leading candidate for Trump's presidential fossil garden, has officially added the Supreme Court to his list of evil entities operating as tentacles of The Deep State. The following are also on his latest list of deep-state plotters trying to bring him down:
Clinton, Soros, Pelosi & Obama, Inc…congresswomen of color…his VCR that still blinks "12:00"…fact checkers…the parking police…blue states…the lid on the jar of mayonnaise he can't open…the mama who never hugged him…the dozens of people who flip him off while he's being driven to and from work…Sean Hannity's roughhousing…chemtrails (of course)…that voice in his head, the one that sounds like Emo Phillips…whoever’s been stealing the Sears catalog out of his mailbox since 1993…the pool guy who didn’t remove that dead moth like he asked him to...and, always at the top of the list: his natural hair color.
Updates will be posted as needed. Thank you.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Note: The Netroots Nation convention is happening online this year—August 13th through the 15th—with all the seminars, keynoters, and workshops you've come to expect, along with Adam B's pub quiz. Also in keeping with tradition, on the evening of Wednesday, August 12, we're planning a pre-convention C&J Zoom-style online BYOB meet-'n-greet, which is really cool because we can rope in folks who normally can't make it to the in-person event. So keep your eyes peeled to C&J for further details as our overlord George Soros allows them to be revealed. And please, let's keep this just between you and me and the rest of the planet's inhabitants. Thx. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til your taxes are due: 1
Number of inspectors general Trump has ousted in the last few months: 5
Percent of Americans polled last fall by Quinnipiac who believe Trump thinks he's above the law: 56%
Percent chance that Trump is above the law, according to the Supreme Court: 0%
Amount the anti-Trump Lincoln Project raised in the second quarter, prompting them to develop a ground game to go after vulnerable GOP senators: $16.8 million
Florida's rank among coronavirus cases if it was a country, after the U.S., Brazil, and India, according to Reuters: #4
Percent of Texas Trump voters polled by CBS News-YouGov who say they want to vote by mail: 9%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Baby’s first boat ride…
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CHEERS to Quick Draw McGavelpants. Wow, that was fast. The ink wasn't even dry on the Supreme Court's ruling that the president is not a king before the New York judge presiding over Trump's hush-money case started cracking the whip to get this show on the road. He's giving lawyers until Thursday to throw up any last-minute roadblocks before they're off to the races:
[Manhattan D.A. Cy] Vance wants years worth of Trump's tax returns as part of his probe into hush-money payments made to two women during the 2016 presidential election. [Judge Victor] Marrero previously ruled that the tax documents from Mazars USA should be handed over to the grand jury, which prompted the appeals fight that landed at the Supreme Court.
"Beginning with Jefferson and carrying on through Clinton, presidents have uniformly testified or produced documents in criminal proceedings when called upon by federal courts," Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in a 7-2 opinion for the majority.
What? Only through Clinton? How come Obama never had to turn over documents in criminal proceedings against him? Oh, wait…that's right. There were no criminal proceedings against him. Silly me.
CHEERS to primary day in Maine. Today's the day we finally get to vote on the woman (out of three running; no dudes, which is refreshing) who will be the Democratic vanquisher of Senator Susan Collins in November. I don’t want to put my thumb on the scale and swing the election, but all signs are pointing toward a victory for our state Speaker of the House Sara Gideon, who has simply blanketed the airwaves with ads and appears to have the majority of the mojo—the "majojo" as we call it up here as of about five seconds ago when I just typed it—to pull it off. Meanwhile, over the weekend the perpetually-concerned Collins, whose poll numbers have plummeted like no other senator in recent history, demonstrated her mask-wearing and social-distancing skills for all the kids to emulate:
In fairness, her mask is next to her on the table. And with a little ketchup she says it tasted delicious.
JEERS to this week's International Roundup. The latest:
Britain? Don't ask.
Brazil? Don't ask.
Russia? Don't ask.
Sweden? Don't ask.
Afghanistan? Don't ask.
Bahrain? Don't ask.
India? Don’t ask.
Mexico? Don't ask.
Any questions?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to scaredy cats. Here's a bit of proof demonstrating that American politicians have been prone to delicate fee-fees ever since our humble beginnings. On July 14, 1798, Congress passed the Sedition Act, which made it illegal to say bad stuff about the government. From Joseph Cummins' book, Anything for a Vote:
People weren't even safe in the neighborhood bar—A New Jersey tavern patron was arrested and fined for drunkenly noting that the president had, to put it indelicately, a big ass.
The penalty for sedition was "...a fine not exceeding two thousand dollars, and by imprisonment not exceeding two years." If that were the case today, most of us around here would be broke and sharing a prison cell. But just to be sure the law was indeed rescinded in 1802, I'll now conduct my annual test. [Climbs on roof with bullhorn.] "THE PRESIDENT HAS A FAT ASS!" And now...time to pour a tall cold one as we wait for the black helicopter.
CHEERS to getting mad as hell and not taking it anymore. Sacre Bleu! Today is Bastille Day, commemorating the important lesson the French learned 231 years ago, but which we Americans still haven't quite: it is better for the government to fear the people than it is for the people to fear the government.
Thus the French get a couple months of vacation, shorter work hours, universal health care, paid sick time, and a fresh beret every three months, and we get to work ourselves to the bone for zero vacation days, zero sick time, and the honor of having to defend meager and perpetually "on the table for cuts" social programs that barely keep us out of poverty—please, please try to contain your enthusiasm.
Anyway, this morning we woke up at the crack of dawn, propped a ladder up on our neighbor's bedroom window sill, stormed in without a word, grabbed a pair of their underwear and sent it up the flagpole. Because this is America, dammit, and we refuse to break our daily routine just because it's Bastille Day.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 14, 2010
CHEERS to comforting words. Finally, it looks like a financial regulation bill will pass the Senate. One of the more prominent features is the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, and Elizabeth Warren will likely be put in charge of it. She recently sat down with the staff of The Boston Globe and, while she still has some reservations about the size of the teeth in the overall bill, she sounds pretty jazzed about the agency:
"I kept waiting for an incoming missile that would mean the bank lobbyists had made good on their vow to kill the agency—and that never happened. ...
The new law guarantees the agency meaningful autonomy. It has a protected funding stream, an independent director appointed by the President, and strong rule-writing authority. The agency also has the power to enforce rules against the big banks and, for the first time, against the non-bank originators of mortgages and other credit products that have done so much harm."
The latest "best-we-can-get-under-the-circumstances" bill could be a done deal by the end of the week. Which, coincidentally, is the same time it'll take for Wall Street to rejigger their navigational equipment and start flying their corporate jets through the loopholes.
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And just one more…
[TBA]-EERS??? to slapping some fresh paint on the great orange satan??? Wait, what??? Daily Kos is changing its format??? I was here when the blog was powered by a water wheel that also ground our maize, and here we go again??? Is this necessary??? Is this kind??? Is this proper??? Is this going to hurt, rile, and/or confuse us??? And what's with the new three question-mark-per-sentence maximum??? Who thought that was a brilliant idea??? Is there also a maximum for the use of other punctuation like commas periods and exclamation points Is anyone else having issues with this Is this an environment I want to live in Can we still start pie fights and flame wars Do you get the feeling that they're just trying to piss me off does anyone mind if I storm off in a huff oh look isn’t it clever how they’ve now just shut off my access to capital letters is the help desk going to get a piece of my mind or what
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"The women and men who splash in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool act with the highest integrity. Claims to the contrary are false."
—Robert Mueller
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