Donald Trump's kids know where the bodies are buried. They almost surely committed crimes themselves in service of Daddy. And they just as likely inherited Trump's look-out-for-No. 1 at all costs gene.
That makes them prime targets for preemptive pardons from Trump, who is furiously handing out get-out-of-jail-free cards to anyone that knows enough to put him in jail for the rest of his miserable life.
Just at first glance: Don Jr. played a central role in Trump's outreach to Russian emissaries during the 2016 campaign; Jared Kushner has taken part in nearly every single thing that's happened in Trump's White House, including early talk of setting up a back-channel to Moscow; Ivanka has already been implicated in multiple seedy dealings, including inflated inaugural payments to the Trump family business and receiving potentially illegal consulting fees turned up by a New York tax probe; and alas, Eric has been supposedly running the family business since Trump took office, meaning he's implemented every illegal thing Trump has surely asked of him, including potential financial fraud.
Of course, Trump and his White House are trying to spin these potential pardons as protection against supposed "retribution" by the incoming Biden administration. If by retribution, Trump means just investigations into criminal activity—yeah, that not only could happen, it's already happening at the state level in New York, where Trump's pardons carry no weight.
But in Trumpworld, fair and just investigations translates to Trump victimization. "The kids have been through enough," one top Trump adviser who is pushing the preemptive pardons told ABC News.
Let's just agree to disagree on that bogus characterization. But one thing is for sure—the kids aren't alright.